Dominants: To Influence, Be Influenced

To Influence, Be Influenced

“Oh great and powerful dominant, bestow upon me the blessing of your attention, the sunlight of your love, and the always-correctness of your counsel.”

If only! LOL!

Actually, I don’t know about y’all, but as a dominant I get first messages like that every day.

It’s not THAT great.

Because any dominant knows that’s not influence. That’s fetish delivery.

Continue reading “Dominants: To Influence, Be Influenced”

For A Happy And Healthy D/s Relationship, Embrace Discomfort

Embrace Discomfort

Embrace discomfort, what? Well, let’s look at the things that cause discomfort in most relationships, and in D/s even more so:

  • Admitting you’re wrong (now, and by extension every time you’ve been wrong in the past and quite likely ruined friendships/relationships as a result).
  • Rejection.
  • Talking about sexuality and consent.
  • Apologizing.
  • Growth (because it usually involves all those things up there and the ones to follow).
  • Self-reflection. When you either give your power to another or you take power over another, understanding your inner thoughts and reasons is even more critical.
  • Trying new things.
  • Creativity.

Any relationship, D/s or not, will stagnate over time unless it is consciously worked upon, and new ideas injected. In D/s, so much of our dynamics are based on pushing boundaries, creating new ways to explore our sexuality, and growing as people that discomfort needs to become, if not comfortable, at least not terrifying .

“Nobody ever died of discomfort, yet living in the name of comfort has killed more ideas, more opportunities, more actions, and more growth than everything else combined. Comfort kills!” —T. Harv Eker

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that comfort is bad. It’s not. We need our comfortable spaces, our comfortable thoughts, our comfortable routines.

And frankly. we should feel comfortable on a day to day basis with the people we love.

Comfort allows us to relax, and gives us the opportunity to process our experiences and learn from them, even as we prepare for more discomfort and growth to come.

It’s discomfort, though…

…that provides the spark of love, of curiosity, of excitement.

It’s what brings us together to begin with, exploring each other’s bodies and thoughts. It’s what makes us daydream about what we can do and be together.

In between comfort and discomfort is the trap: expectations.

Expectations are discomfort masquerading as comfort. We imagine we know what is going to or should happen, and that makes us feel better about what’s coming.

The more you embrace discomfort and let go of expectations in your D/s relationship, the more you can experience and share with your partner, creating an ever greater foundation of comfort together.

Are You A “MORE” Person?

More

This morning, Pet and I had each other for breakfast.

It was delicious.

Mmmm.

I digress. Damn. So distracting.

Anyway, we often spend some time together in the mornings, especially after date night with others, including bulls.

This morning, as he buried himself between my thighs, I talked dirty to him. Well, I talked “me” to him. That just happens to qualify as dirty to most, I’d guess.

Anyway, I told him what an amazing lover he is, how he pleases me so fucking well, and then I told him, “Give me more.” Continue reading “Are You A “MORE” Person?”

Protocol 101

What is protocol and why do you need it? Not all protocol is bowing and kneeling and “yes, Sir,” and so on. Protocol can be every day traditions and rituals built over time. In this class, we’ll explore the many types of protocol, and how to choose the protocols you want most in your life and your relationships.

Of Course I Trust Him!

At the core of trust is "us." And the core of us is trust.

I run a Facebook group, Women In Charge, and we have some pretty amazing conversations there.

In one of those conversations quite some time ago, we discussed using a cock cage to restrict a man’s ability to touch himself, pleasure himself, or bring himself to orgasm.

I said that while cages can be fun as a novelty, for me they are not for daily use. I prefer to inspire the feelings that make him want to save his orgasms for me.

Quite a few people were shocked, and said I must really trust him to allow that freedom. Continue reading “Of Course I Trust Him!”

TPE Does NOT Equal Abdication Of Responsibility, To Me

Total Power Exchange

Women think I’m weird because I seek to never make decisions.

To be honest, a man (or any gender) that never makes decisions is not what I want in the formation of a relationship, either.

I require a partner who can prove he is equal to me in most ways (superior in some), who brings more value to my life than he sucks out.

I would never consider making all the decisions in a relationship until I’ve had at least a year (more likely 2-3 years) with someone, and I know that we have a good foundation for a deeper commitment to FLR.

Continue reading “TPE Does NOT Equal Abdication Of Responsibility, To Me”

I’m Looking For A Sub Who Will Challenge Me

Help Wanted: Sex Slave

I’m looking for a submissive. A sub who will challenge me. A sub who isn’t afraid to speak their mind, except on the topics of household chores, my sexual gratification, politics, or whether Tim Roth is the hottest ugly dude ever.

In other words, a submissive who knows their own mind, and isn’t afraid to speak up, just not while I’m trying to read, while I’m shopping for clothes, during dinner, when we’re out hiking, or just before bed. Actually, I’d prefer they hold that thought until the prearranged time for such things every week.

Which, to be fair, sometimes conflicts with social stuff, and gets put off. But for only a week. Or three. Or whatever. I mean, it’s not that big a deal.

I’m looking for a submissive who’s guided by their personal ethics and morality, but never questions my habits or decisions—is that too much to ask for?

Continue reading “I’m Looking For A Sub Who Will Challenge Me”

Let’s Debate: The Responsibility Of The Dominant

The word everything in script.

WARNING: This is a long one, and I am very specifically taking a side in this one, then offering my reasoning up for debate and picking apart.

I’ve had several conversations in the past week in which the original writing I did on the responsibility of a dominant has been relevant:

The Responsibility Of The Dominant

@thewiz11 commented, and as I was replying, I realized it would be a good debate piece, allowing me to dig deeper into the meat of what this means to me, in my life, and defend my view against any and all comers.

Before I go there, though, let me explain something.

This is how I live my life. This is what the role of dominant means to me. It may not be what dominant means to you, and that’s cool. I’ve written a lot about dominance and submission and how they are sliding scales and how there is no WON TWOO WAY™ that works for everyone. YMMV.

That’s important. smiles I’m offering this up for debate to proof my convictions, and to allow others to take apart my points, if you so choose.

Continue reading “Let’s Debate: The Responsibility Of The Dominant”

No, I Won’t Stop Talking To Your Sub

Two red hand prints, one with a white "N", the other with a white "O", spelling "No."

Hi – As one Domme to another, might I enlist your support to please refrain contact with my cuckold and husband, “SubUserNameHere.” He is collared, tattooed and owned by me – and he has been very dishonest and naughty.

I’ve gotten messages like this before, so many times. So, I’m going to answer publicly, to set the record straight:

As one dom to another, no, I won’t refrain from contact if your sub reaches out.

There are several reasons for this:

1. I answer EVERYONE that sends me a message. This is my personal code.

Continue reading “No, I Won’t Stop Talking To Your Sub”