The IDEA of D/s

A cartoon person with a myriad of ideas floating around his head, including D/s, a candle, handcuffs, rope and more.

Hanging out with kinsters, reading FetLife, dating freaky folk, eventually it often comes to a point where it all seems so… mundane. So unimpressive.

Don’t worry.

That’s quite normal.

After all, humans see patterns in everything, and we are always relating it to ourselves, so we get used to even the most bizarre ideas, exposed to enough of them.

And frankly, real life often falls short of what we read, so often, it’s easier to just fall in love with an idea of something, rather than do what it takes to search for and find the tangible. Continue reading “The IDEA of D/s”

“But, That’s How It’s Done!”

Twoo Twoo Train To Kinky Kinky Land

Well, sure.

If you want to keep putting yourself at a social disadvantage, keep buying into the mental crap that other people feed you, instead of breaking out of your shell.

Pure bollocks like:

These things are not true for everyone. In fact, the opposite is true for many people. Why not for you?

And feel free to share some of the totally fucked-up wrong-headed and completely idiotic things that are commonly accepted that you have found to be false.

*smiles*

Behavior Modification: The Ethics Of Conditioning/Behavior Modification

Behavior Modification Psitive Vs. Negative.

I speak about Behavior Modification quite a bit, and I joke that the key to understand about it is that it happens whether you intend it to or not.

Read more here: Behavior Modification: It Happens (Exercise 11)

However, happening naturally, as you and your partner(s) yourselves to each other is quite different from intentional manipulation.

And when I say “manipulation,” I mean BeMod with intent, not necessarily malice. There are many GOOD reasons to manipulate a situation or a person, just as there are selfish, controlling and harmful ways.

However, no matter the good intentions, ethics say if it’s done intentionally, you MUST have consent. Continue reading “Behavior Modification: The Ethics Of Conditioning/Behavior Modification”

“The Sub Has All The Power…” *cough cough* “Bullshit.”

A crumpled piece of paper with the word "rubbish" written on it.

I mean, it’s kind of the point that the sub doesn’t have all the power. They don’t want it. They specifically want to give that up!

Seriously.

Who thinks up this drivel, and speeches it out like gospel so that new kinkies take it to heart and pass it on?

I’m in danger of spraining my optic nerve every time I read that drivel from some internet gobshite, due to my extreme eye roll.

STOP SAYING THAT.

Now.

Please.

And in case your logic centers are not firing, because you’re too excited for those NYE parties coming in a few hours, let me logic this out for you.

Continue reading ““The Sub Has All The Power…” *cough cough* “Bullshit.””

What Does It Take To Be A Dominant?

What does it take to be dominant?

Does being a dominant have a certain set of physical standards to measure up to, for example?

On tumblr, someone posted this:

I wish my ex-husband Scott could have been this guy for me… but the reality is, you can’t be a Dom with a four inch penis. Just. Not. Possible.

My reply:

I respect this woman’s right to state her opinion. As a cuckoldress, it seems like a pretty standard opinion.

However, I beg to differ.

The size of your cock (the size of your wallet, your boob size, how skinny you are, a leather allergy, color of your skin) does NOT have any factor in how dominant of a person you are (or are not).

Period.

I know men who are short, fat, ugly and hung like hamsters who still do just fine with their dominance.

In fact, I know more than one submissive woman who PREFERS a smaller cock. One woman I know HATES anything over 5 inches. It’s uncomfortable for her.

So, again, I respect the fact that you cannot be THAT WOMAN’S DOMINANT with a four inch penis. That’s fair, for those who prefer larger cocks and associate those to manhood/aggression/dominance.

However, it has no bearing whatsoever on whether you can be “a dominant” in my view.

Your thoughts?

The Needs Hierarchy

BDSM Hierarchy of Needs

So, in PE (Power Exchange) relationships, we all have needs. Knowing what those are and understanding how to get those met is critical.

I’ve read a lot about how dominants should put their subs’ needs first. I think this is backwards and wrong, and I’ll explain why.

First, here is how I believe dominants need to prioritize needs in their relationship:

1. Dominant’s Needs
2. Submissive’s Needs
3. Dominant’s Wants
4. Submissive’s Wants

Let’s look at this. Continue reading “The Needs Hierarchy”