They Ask For Advice, Then Do The Opposite (EVERY Time)!

We all know these people.

For some, it seems like this is a hobby. Hopping from one dramatic train wreck to another, always looking for advice on how to fix something that they were advised not even a week ago not to do by everyone and their dogs to avoid like the bubonic plague.

Hell, my ex-husband used to accuse me of doing the opposite of what he said all the time.

In my view, that’s because he often gave bad advice, backed up with crappy logic. Once I realized that, I respected him less for it, and it was the beginning of the end.

But, to be fair, I also stopped asking.

I had a woman approach me privately from Whips Chains & Duct Tape, asking after information about whips and whip play.

I don’t know much about whips. I’ve never taken time to learn about them or to understand the skill, and they hold little appeal for me, so I put her in contact with a friend on the other side of the slash who enjoys them and knows quite a few people REALLY FUCKING skilled in using them.

She also asked me about this new relationship with the potential whip top that had so many red flags, that a green lawn covered in them would look like the flag of mother Russia.

And I said so.

She thanked me profusely, and said she’d reach out to my friend.

Continue reading “They Ask For Advice, Then Do The Opposite (EVERY Time)!”

Mistakes Were Made: The Drama Unfurls

The Drama Unfurls

Those in the know, know. Those who are not can still benefit from this writing, if they choose.

The Background

Someone local hurt three other local someones. Badly. Non-consent, lying, stealthing.

The details that have gotten around vary on degrees and details. Very few people excused the accused, some defended them based on relative harm and extenuating circumstances. It is generally accepted wrong was done.

The accused was asked to stay away from a local event for a time, because the accusers attended that event regularly, and they deserve a safe space.

The Event

The accused was invited by parties unaware of the details to a special occasion held at the local event.

The accused went, along with some close friends working to help them learn better.

It caused an uproar, as one of the accusers was there, and was shocked and hurt and upset. The organizer was completely disregarded, and the community is taking sides, boiling pitch, and sharpening pitchforks.

How Could This Have Been Avoided?

I’ve discussed this and talked it over with quite a few people. Here are my thoughts:

  • The accused could have said to the uninvolved parties, “I prefer not to attend that event, because reasons, and I’ll be happy to get together with you privately to celebrate.”
  • The accused could have publicly RSVP’d.
  • The accused could have contacted the event organizer, and could have been told, “No, you are not yet welcome.”
  • The accused could have contacted the event organizer, and could have been told, “Yes. Let me contact your accusers and tell them that for this event only, you will be attending for a special occasion, and they can choose to attend or not, as they choose, with foreknowledge.”
  • The accused could have contacted their accusers, and explained, and organized directly (not my favorite idea, but better than nothing).

So, there were a number of things that could have reduced or avoided drama AND put everyone on the side of good ethical practices.

Now, I’m not saying that anyone is the monster here. It is a big shit storm that has caused drama, hurt and lots of frustration.

Perhaps this can help another situation from blowing up in the future.

“I Don’t Do Drama.”

A heavily theatrical woman with a speech bubble saying. "I Don't Do Drama."

Of course you do.

Everyone does.

We all do it, and maybe you only do it when it’s YOUR drama (because of course it’s not drama, then, right?), but you do drama.

And when that is a major point to a person’s profile or communication, it actually has the opposite of its intent with me.

I see/hear that and I immediately think that anyone who feels a need to say those things is probably immersed in their own self-involved mental dramatics, and has no regard for whatever anyone else is going through, dismissing it with “I don’t do drama.”

Quit trying to make everyone think you are superior.

No one believes it, anyway.