Hanging out with kinsters, reading FetLife, dating freaky folk, eventually it often comes to a point where it all seems so… mundane. So unimpressive.
That’s quite normal.
After all, humans see patterns in everything, and we are always relating it to ourselves, so we get used to even the most bizarre ideas, exposed to enough of them.
And frankly, real life often falls short of what we read, so often, it’s easier to just fall in love with an idea of something, rather than do what it takes to search for and find the tangible. Continue reading “The IDEA of D/s”
Behavior modification, that is.
It’s not like handcuffs or chains, where you do something once, and they are bound by your directive, until you free them.
It’s far more subtle.
Like restraining someone with toilet paper.
One layer of toilet paper wrapped around their body is real enough to feel, to KNOW, but not enough to hold them.
However, once you’ve put in enough layers (reinforcement) in enough ways (places), their reality is constrained to what you desire.
Behavior modification is like that. It’s not one and done.
It’s not something that is set into place, then sticks forever.
It takes tending. Cultivating. Encouraging. More and more layers.
It’s like toilet paper bondage.
1. The kinkster who pretends to know all the kinky things for any variety of reasons (superiority, authority, power, etc.) but don’t actually know what they are doing.
2. Those who actually believe they know all the kinky things but are completely wrong.
3. People who admit they don’t know all the kinky things, and let that paralyze them because they believe types 1 and 2 are being truthful.
4. Kinksters who are ok admitting they don’t know all the kinky things and just get on with it anyway.
I prefer the last kind.
It’s at the core of all that we claim to do in kink, and yet, the more I dig into the relationships people have and what they say versus what they do, the more I realize that, for me, trust is not what it is to others.
For example, I generally assume that if I meet you and you smile at me, you are not going to stalk me after that one meeting and axe-murder me in my sleep.
But that’s not trust.
That’s simply absence of evidence. Continue reading “Trust In Kink Is A Very Different Beast, For Me”
So, humiliation (giving) used to be a hard limit for me. It was a definite no-go. I don’t like to tear people down, I like to build people up.
Especially those I have responsibility for.
And frankly, what interest should I have in a “lowly worm, lower than the dirt beneath my feet” anyway?
And I have ZERO interest in playing a part or acting a role. Not my thing in the bedroom.
But, I’ve changed that. Because Pet likes humiliation, I’ve learned.
And what I learned (for me) is this:
Humiliation needs to be true (or it’s not humiliating), but it cannot be the TRUTH (or whole truth).
In other words, I cannot lie to humiliate.
I also cannot make fun of something that I believe is a true fault.
So, I can tease Pet about having a small cock because he’s literally the smallest man I’ve ever had sex with.
I can also humiliate him that way, because I love his cock, no matter the size, and he is the best lover I’ve ever had, regardless of the length, width, staying power, or lack thereof.
On his end, the humiliation works because he knows I’m telling the truth, but he also knows that no matter how mean I get, he’s in a place of love and 100% acceptance.
On the other hand…
I can’t make fun of him for being a weak, pathetic little boy, because he’s not. He’s amazingly physically fit, and dynamic. That sort of thing is obviously not true, and would roll off him like water off a duck’s butt… and would not be humiliating.
I also can’t make fun of something that is actually a serious issue in his life. For example, if he had serious anxiety disorder (he doesn’t), I could not add that to my humiliation list, as it would be too true, and not provide a safe, accepting place.
I’m not saying humiliation is like this for everyone. For me, though, this is how it works.
And I LIKE it!
This piece was written by my Pet for me.
It seems my humiliation is becoming a theme with my Queen and I. I have this burning desire for it. I’m not able to clearly define it. It pokes at me. It claws at me. It wants to drag me in deep. It stimulates my sexually creative mind.
I want it. I want to experience it’s depth. I want to go down this dark hole. I want my Queen to take my hand and lead me into this darkness. I trust her… Then I want her to push me in! Take me to the deep end. Test me. Taunt me. Push her limits as she pushes mine.
I give you my hand my Queen. You can always pull me out and to your breast if I get to deep.
So, I was talking on a kink site, the way I do, and the topic turned to sewing. Since I have a fascination with sewing, I ran with it.
After some back and forth, I was called sweet again (which, I admit, I get a perverse pleasure from), because I was talking sewing on a kink site.
That reminded my of a scene I watched between D_S and l_b (they know who they are, I didn’t want to include their names without their permission) on Halloween, where he sewed a lovely pink zipper to her goody bits, making them zip and unzip.
Hand-stitched. Not very even stitches, but then, she was wiggling around and the blood made the skin slippery, so I think he can be forgiven.
So, there… I’m not that sweet. I watched that scene and all it’s blood with a huge grin on my face.
Just being me, not thinking much of it. He replied:
You’ve never mentioned you were a sadist.
Which gave me pause. Am I? Of course, being the word geek that I am, I had to look up sadism, and found this:
- Psychiatry. a person who has the condition of sadism, in which one receives sexual gratification from causing pain and degradation to another.
Which led to this:
- Psychiatry. the condition in which sexual gratification depends on causing pain or degradation to others. Compare masochism.
- any enjoyment in being cruel.
- extreme cruelty.
So, no. I’m not that. I am not about being cruel for cruelty’s sake. My sexual gratification does not depend on pain or suffering, either. It is merely a facet of what I do—a very small facet.
I enjoy torment, but only when THEY enjoy torment. The sweet energy that flows. The tears, the amazing connection. The bits of body leaking out.
I don’t like to cause pain. I like to cause desire and feel connection.
All of that was in that scene.
So, I write this for two reasons.
Because I wanted to let the players know just how much I enjoyed watching them, and still think about it.
Because I’m curious about you all define the word sadist in terms of your kink. Not just yourself, but in those you interact with, what you think when you see someone self-identify as a sadist, or what you mean when you call someone a sadist within the boundaries of this kink that we do.