I’ve been accused more than once (in concept, if not in direct quote) of “sucking the magic out of life,” with my thinking, planning and examining.
Luckily, it was most often by people I had no intention of ever being a relationship with.
I have been in relationships with people who have been exasperated by my analytical nature, and my insistence that there be thought put into the relationships we build, as well.
For most people the thought of creating an intentional relationship is odd, at best.
In the world of kink, it’s maybe a bit less so. After all, most power exchange includes some negotiations, even contracts, to make things as clear as possible.
Communication is a clear priority for many of us.
I’ve also long said that marriage would be better if it were for a contracted period of time, and revisited every so often, to renew and renegotiate.
So, imagine my surprise and glee when I saw an article in the New York Times about relationship contracts and making love and cohabitation an intentional process.
(I’ll copy the text from the link into the comments below, for those who may want to read, but have already reached their limit of free NYT posts this month, or whatever it is they do.)
Because I do plan to love.
I create my relationships intentionally.
I do not require them to go in a specific direction, but whatever direction they go in, I make sure there is space and consideration for all three parties:
- My partner
- The relationship
All need to grow. All need time and effort. All need space set aside for them.
I feel it’s my role as a dominant to consider all of these in my caretaking.
I’ve done something similar to what’s discussed in this article since I left my own marriage with varying results.
For me, it’s worked out well.
For others, it’s a mixed bag. There are a lot of people out there who want to fall in love with a mind reader, and have everything easy, without much effort.
Which is their right.
It’s just not compatible with my preferences.
What about you?
Do you prefer to just fall in love as it comes your way, and only deal with things as they come up, or do you plan to love?
I’m somewhere in the middle, as I enjoy the possibilities and the spontaneity, but probably lean more towards planning than anything else.