My Top 6 Defenses Of The Chastity Cage

I’m not into chastity. Not my thing. I’m not a fan of chastity cages, either, for many reasons.

However, I do like to intellectually examine other viewpoints, and when someone asked me why an able bodied man would want to be placed in chastity and denied pleasure, I was thrilled to have the opportunity to think it through.

Using my own experience, the words of my Pet, and also having worked on several projects related to chastity over the years, here is the list I came up with:

Continue reading “My Top 6 Defenses Of The Chastity Cage”

The Night I Made Her Cum On The Living Room Floor Surrounded By People

Now, I’d planned a scene with a man (in the dominant role) and his girl (submissive — we’ll call her “S”). I was to be in a dominant role as well, and she has had an interest in me for a while.

Long story short, I was somewhat exhausted after a long day and teaching and many, many conversations and questions after teaching during the play party, and it was 1am, and the man we were to scene with was distracted by a bit of drama, and left both his girls (the one I was to play with and his other) in my care.

So, I figured I’d distract them.

Continue Reading

PSYCHOLAGNY: Orgasm Without Physical Stimulation

Psycholagny

I’ve been talking about this for 10+ years.

And for all that time, I’ve been challenged by those who believe it’s not possible.

And yet…

There’s a word for this. Because it exists. And it’s more common than you might think.

Musing On Mindgasms (Touch-Free Orgasms)

If you’ve not experienced this (whatever your gender), you may want to try it out. It’s a pretty amazing experience, and can improve your physical sex life as well in so many amazing ways.

Image by engin akyurt from Pixabay

Let’s Debate: Sex—Quiet? Or Loud (And Let’s Wake The Neighbors!)?

Let's Debate: Sex—Quiet? Or Loud (And Let's Wake The Neighbors!)?

Sure, sure, I get it.

There are times when you just CAN’T let ‘er rip.

Maybe the kids are asleep, or you folks are staying for the holidays.

Or, maybe those things don’t bother you at all.

They do bother some people, though, as this young lady recounts:

I am loud in bed. It is hardwired, always was.

All my life I have been a bit self conscious about being loud. It is what it is and in the end, who cares what the neighbors say? Right? I have countless hours with my face deep into a pillow. Trust me.

One new lover recently on the first and only encounter got so put off by it that he shrank to nothing. He asked me NOT to make any noises please…and just lay still.

I was blown away. I tried to be a silent statue as he wished but did not work for me. It all ended there. That was a new one for me.

What are your thoughts?

Given the perfect scenario of no one around to hear, no chance of being walked in on or discovered…

  • Would you prefer loud or soft?
  • How loud is too loud?
  • What about talking? Dirty talking?
  • Laughing yay or nay?

And in not-so-perfect circumstances, if you like loud, what are your guidelines for keeping it down and still having a great time?

I look forward to your replies.

Musing On Mindgasms (Touch-Free Orgasms)

A vintage medical illustration of the brain in a human head, with a finger poking it, and a very enthusiastic "OH YEAH!" overlaid.

This has been a casual and not-so-casual study of mine for years.

In fact, I fully credit having a hypnotic mindgasm for unlocking my potential to achieve MANY multiples of orgasms.

One I truly understood the mind’s role in my pleasure, I was quick to explore ALL the limits, and they are MUCH further away than I ever thought!

Yay me!

And yay my partners for getting all that sexiness and also being a part of making it happen.

Over the years, I’ve collected some comments about mindgasms that illustrate some of the misconceptions about how the brain and the body work together in pleasure, and I wanted to post a few here as a collection to spur discussion.

Here goes.

No one has ever proved orgasm without physical sensation.

Oh. Jeez. Ummm.

Ever heard of wet dreams?

Or Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder

And the book, The Science of Orgasm

So, yeah. There’s proof.

But you know what’s ironic? It’s that something as physical as sex is almost completely dependent on the psychological. Why can’t we just get some natural lubrication (i.e. the wetness that flows from within), get a few strokes, and bam! We’re speaking in Japanese French with an Igbo accent. Why do we have to focus our minds?

Well, because everything we feel is ultimately felt through our minds. Someone may poke you with a sharp stick, but if your mind does not translate the nerve’s communications, you feel nada.

And our minds, much as we’d like them to be, are not the google of our body. We don’t just input a command like, “lubricate,” and have it delivered.

We want what we want, even when we don’t know we want it, and that complicates shit, sometimes.

But if it is true that 99% of our orgasm comes from our mind, then what the heck gives those men the right to say things like, “I gave you multiple orgasms …”? Next time a man says something like that, you should respond with, “No, you did not! I did 99% of the work. You only thrusted.” That would be pretty accurate, right?

Well, yes.

And no.

Your brain did all of the work, but your partner inspired it. And not just with their physicality, but with their smile, and their charm, and their love—which you responded to, right?

Or we’d all be perfectly happy sitting around masturbating all day.

And I’m not saying you’re not, or that that’s bad.

I’m saying that’s not how all of us get off.

Frankly, while I can get myself off in pretty powerful ways, adding in a person I like and want to do the sex with makes my orgasm MUCH more powerful. By a factor of 100x or more.

Partially because of the feels.

Partially because it’s not predictable.

Partially, because I don’t have to do all the work (DJing is hard on the carpal tunnel, yo).

ON the other hand, having worked out my mental “muscles,” I can get off easier and harder with people than I could when I left it all up to them.

Like having a physical trainer. Sure, they can take you through things you’ve never done before. However, if you have strength and flexiblity in other areas, it helps them help you get more out of it.

Same thing.

Even experts (at orgasming) can use partners to get even better.

And the one I found particularly funny: studies show that parts of a woman’s brain are deactivated during orgasm, especially those involved in emotion. Well, this must explain why after the orgasm we they get the “Oh, shit” feeling. It’s because after the orgasm, the parts of our your brain that were deactivated are now reactivated. All of a sudden, your emotions remember that the person you’re lying next to still hasn’t paid child support for your three children. I don’t know. That’s how I imagine it.

That’s not QUITE how it works.

During orgasms certain parts of the brain—mostly those related to fear and anxiety are shut down, and emotions are cut off. Logic is gone.

However, the key that the article is missing is that fear, logic and anxiety need to be shut off for orgasm to happen.

Or at least slowed.

So, that takes a decision at the beginning.

To trust.

At least for now.

Those who have practiced with their own minds have a sort of “shortcut” around all that, and can make it to the necessary relaxation faster.

So, if you can cum with your mind, can’t I just tell you to cum, and you do it? I don’t need to touch you at all.

Well, yes.

HOWEVER, if all you do is tell me to cum and don’t back up up with physical fun, I’ll get bored. After all, I can cum on my own, yah?

It’s all about mixing it up.

And SUCH a good reward…

One of the wonderful things about mindgasms is how they can be used to reinforce behavior modification goals when you are not in direct contact, or not in a place to stick your hand down your partner’s pants…

So, for example, you’re out, and they do something you love. Reward with a “Good ____, cum for me!”

They get immediate pleasure, and reward.

Later, you can follow-up with more physical pleasure and praise.

Or, with hypnotic command, set “pleasure” as an automated reward when they do something good for them (like work out), and you’re not around.

Then, of course, follow up with praise and more physical reward later.

But mindgasms are NOT just for behavior modification.

If you can cum from just your mind, doesn’t that expand your potential erogenous zones quite a bit?

I love having my nipples sucked. If I can turn the pleasure up in my mind, I can create orgasm. I’ve done that enough in the past, I can easily orgasm from having my nipples stimulated, and I don’t have to even think about it anymore. It’s automatic.

Or cumming hard while having intercourse, and being told to cum hard mentally as well? Doubling up on pleasure! Or multiplying it!

There are so many possibilities.

Every once in a while, I just have to write about this again, because it’s such an amazing possibility.

I’ve written about this before:

COC – Cum on Command – A Few Thoughts

I also teach a class on orgasms (and I love to travel! Invite me!):

Teaching N’ Stuff

Your thoughts?

What are your experiences with mindgasms?

Have you tried them?

Have they worked for you? In what circumstances?

Did they change your overall sensitivity/ability to orgasm?

No, Your Culture Does Not Get To Dictate MY Pleasure: The Orgasm Gap

Orgasm Gap

I’ll admit, I still don’t get the Orgasm Gap thing, even though I’ve written about it before.

In this post, the quote I picked up on was:

“According to both the books I’ve read on it, the orgasm gap exists primarily because our culture still overvalues penile pleasure and undervalues clitoral pleasure. “

What does culture have to do with when you are in bed with someone?

I mean, you may overvalue penile pleasure (and for me, there is a LOT to be valued), while I value my clitoral pleasure a great deal. Continue reading “No, Your Culture Does Not Get To Dictate MY Pleasure: The Orgasm Gap”

COC – Cum on Command – A Few Thoughts

Cum On Command

So, a few months back, I participated in a conversation about “cum on command” here (FetLife login-protected link).

This is something I and my ex-partner and I practiced early in our relationship, and I had done quite a bit of research on, and have taught to others, and given suggested reading, and so on and so on.

And let me state for the record, I LOVE IT! IT’S FUN!

So, I felt like I really had something to say about the subject.

And still do.

In fact, as I noted in another note I posted, I have recently experienced some real breakthroughs in mental/energy play that bring me again back to this. I may have to write about those at some point, when they re not so deep to me.

Now, in that thread, there is a lot of back and forth between myself and a few others, mostly one person. I won’t bore you with the details, since you can read that for yourself.

What I will do, is give you some of the highlights of what I’ve learned, where to look for more information (including actual science-y stuff), and some experiences and theories.

I’d love those of you who have done some of this to chime in with your own thoughts, as I find this an amazing area of study, and a constant fascination to me, and I have (so far) experienced this mostly from the female orgasm/male command side, although I am working on the other with mild success.

Cum on Command

Yes, I have experienced “COC” or cum on command.

Yes, it’s hot. Yes, it’s orgasm. Yes, it takes work for those who are not trained. Yes, it takes reinforcement.

Work? Reinforcement?

Yes. In other words, let’s say you have a new puppy.

WARNING: If you’re going to be offended or triggered by me equating human training, any kind of human training, with dog training, leave my writings now and never come back. I do it a lot, and I’m not going to stop.

Ok, back to the new puppy. You want to teach the puppy to sit. There are two ways to do this.

1. Wait for the puppy to site, mark and reward. The mark might be a click from a clicker, or a vocal marker, like “Yes!”

2. Make the puppy sit while giving the command, mark and reward.

Now, after some practice, you’ve taught your puppy to sit. BUT, if you don’t keep that training going, the puppy will soon learn it gets no reward, and will stop sitting.

And, you’ll also need to work on that sit in different scenarios and situations, so the puppy will sit anytime, anywhere you want, even with a big juicy steak on the ground before him or a rabbit running away.

Simple, right?

People are no different.

So, for an orgasm, you can wait until one occurs naturally, tie it to a command (marker) and reward verbally. Or, create an orgasm, tie it to a command (marker) and reward verbally and with more orgasm.

So, you now have the orgasm on command (after practice, of course). You will want to practice it in ever-different scenarios, to sink it in.

YAY!

Now, here’s where it gets kinda not-fun. If you then use that COC in situations where your partner might expect a more involved intimacy, instead of a verbal reaction, you may start to lose them. If you use it too often without reinforcing it with extra pleasure, you will start to lose them. If you use it just because you are pleased with yourself, and not for the good of your subject as well, you may start to lose them.

Make sense?

If not, ask. Moving on. smiles

How does it work?

Well, not absolutely sure about the specifics beyond behavioral conditioning, but science has shown repeatedly that orgasm is a brain thing.

Even more for women than for men, but also men can experience mental-only orgasm (think wet dreams).

Is there a name for these kinds of orgasms?

Hands-free, or ThinkOff is usually what I’ve heard them called.

For me, they are more like energy orgasms than anything, but different in some ways, too. It’s a warm butterscotch sauce filling me up and making me shudder nicely, sometimes violently.

How long or intense are these orgasms?

Well, a basic command may create an orgasm lasting a few seconds.

It can last longer, based on your training and effort, and can be extended made more intense with:

  • Physical contact/energy exchange. Skin-on-skin contact, a hand pulling hair, a bite.
  • Continued verbal encouragement, and additional commands.
  • Surrounding distractions.

What are other uses for COC?

Use in combination with other building orgasms, it can enhance vaginal Os, clitoral Os, breast Os, etc. And also help train other areas. I have this spot on my shoulder…

It’s my belief that sexuality is not just physical, it is physiologial/mental. It is so easy for a mental pattern or hiccup to cause loss of orgasm or sexual desire that using a mental pathway (or shortcut) like coc is a good way to allow a woman to feel orgasms once more. Or use it to open up pathways that have not been explored before like breast or anal orgasms.

For me, although I have always been orgasmic, even multi, COC deepens and adds to the potential feelings during orgasm as well as during other non-sexually-charged states.

What are the upsides for the COC-ee?

It feels DAMN good, and makes grocery shopping (laundry, commuting – public transport, a boring movie, of course – nights alone) soooo much more fun!

A side effect of this kind of training, when you are complicit and aware, is that you learn more about your own orgasms, can connect more deeply to them, and can find yourself more easily triggered, causing deeper orgasms more quickly, or even orgasms from memories of hot times spent together.

It’s a very good side effect.

What are the downsides for the COC-ee?

Well, ANYTIME you give control of yourself, in any way, to another, you run a risk, even if it’s only heartache, right?

That’s why you choose the right person.

And if you’re not sure it’s the right person, then don’t do it. SSC, yes?

What are the upsides for the COC-er?

It’s deliciously powerful. There is an energy exchange when they release, shudder and quiver at your merest suggestion that you get back.

What are the downsides for the COC-er?

It’s a lot of work. And it takes patience. And your subject may fixate on you, because with this technique, you can tap into a well of sexual energy that you and they may have never felt before. And that shit is addicting.

That’s why you choose the right person.

And if you’re not sure it’s the right person, then don’t do it. SSC, yes?

What is this science of which you speak? Or, how do I learn more?

EVERYONE interested in female sexuality and physiology should read Vagina: A New Biography, by Naomi Wolf

David Shade does a lot of work with men on Hands Free and ThinkOff orgasms, through mild hypnosis, NLP and phone sex. He has a FREE CD. Here are a few direct links:

Give Her An Orgasm Over Text

Mindgasms – The Wildest Of All Dreams

Science Verifies Thinkoff

And David links to this article: Braingasm: Sex and Your Synapses, where there are even more links to related information.

FOXSexpert: What Kind of Orgasm Are You Having?

Understanding basic dog training and behavioral modification through positive reinforcement is awesome, from my view. Don’t Shoot the Dog!: The New Art of Teaching and Training, by Karen Pryor and Excel-Erated Learning: Explaining in Plain English How Dogs Learn and How Best to Teach Them, by Pamela J. Reid

So, there you have it. It’s a start.

The original thread also had discussion on the power exchange aspect of COC and the ethics that go along with it.

Please feel free to chime in with your experiences or questions. The reason I write these things is to get feedback, new ideas to try, and learn what I can from ya’ll as well.

*smiles*