Give Compliments. Lots of Compliments. Do It Right In 9 Easy Steps.

Your ____ always makes me smile.

My friend Pepper_Pots was teaching a class about the 5 love languages at The Venue (FetLife link) about two weeks ago, and she said this about compliments:

“Don’t just tell me I’m pretty over and over. The first time I’ll smile. After a while, it just gets tedious, and I won’t respond. Be more creative.”

Or something to that effect. She was discussing “Words of Affirmation,” one of the love languages.

Later, she and I talked a bit about how we feel about compliments, and what makes a compliment worth getting to us, and interestingly enough, my Pet and I had had a similar conversation just the day before, in relation to a shared event.

Today, a few more thoughts came together (from a Polyamory group on FB and some writings of David Shade), and I was inspired to write about it. *smiles*

1. Don’t bother with being smooth. Be authentic.

Actually, being authentic often (not always, for sure) comes across as being smooth, so you have a bonus there. Continue reading “Give Compliments. Lots of Compliments. Do It Right In 9 Easy Steps.”

Dating: Who Messages First?

Dating: Is It Men Versus Women?

On a FetLife group about dating on OKC, the question was asked:

Who messages first?

According to a new study done by the OKCupid team, they stated that more messages happen when she sends the first message. What are your thoughts on this study? What do you feel would be the best course of actions to pursue a mate? What is your thought from the perspective of the opposite sex?

So I responded:

So, I did an informal dating study last year about exactly this (I was doing research for a kinky dating book I’m writing with a co-author). Here is what I did:

Set up an account almost exactly the same as my personal account, different pictures, but still my face, etc.

Wrote about the same thing, but different words. Continue reading “Dating: Who Messages First?”