Dating Kinky
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So, we talk a lot about love languages in discussing how we can treat our partners and friends, even kids.

However, I saw a meme going around talking about how our love languages might be tied into the kinds of self-care we practice as well, which is an intriguing thought.


Physical wellness. Things that make your body feel good and provide sensation.

  • Get a massage.
  • Wear sensual clothing that feels good to you: cashmere, silk, etc.
  • Exercise, moving your body.
  • Spa treatments.
  • Body positivity.
  • Masturbation.
  • Smile and stand up straight.
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“You have to love yourself before you can love others.”

“The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.”

There is truth in both of these statements. And there is a lot misleading in both of them as well.

I believe love is naturally occurring in humans and animals (and what I’ve read backs me up in this). Love for others. And it grows out of need and desire. From the moment we are born.

Our first self-love is modeled after how others love us. And if that’s shitty, then our love for ourselves is also probably shitty.

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I get it. I do.

I have so many problems that I’ll be busy now until the day I die, and still not overcome them all.

We all have problems, all of us.

“If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.” — Regina Brett

For me this is true.

But because we’re the protagonists of our own little dramas, our problems may seem like their some kinda big deal.

Thing is, if we die tomorrow, our problems probably won’t matter much…

This is not to make light of them.


Your problems are yours, and they are valid.

Here’s the thing, though, if you’re letting those problems get you down (which I’ve done, myself more than once):

Your problems don’t define you.

How you handle your problems does.

Remember that what you’re going through is just a part of your present and it will soon be a part of your past.

It’s not your life.

It’s a current situation.

YOU are every problem you’ve ever overcome.

You are every loving word you’ve ever spoken to lift others. You are every smile you’ve ever inspired on another’s face. You are the hugs you give and the happiness you share. You are the giggles you tell jokes for. You are the shoulder others cry on. You are the directions you give to a stranger on the street.

You are all of this.

And you are your problems.

But you are not JUST your problems, I promise you. Even if it seems that way right now.

I am not just my problems, either.

In fact, I don’t call my problems “problems.”


a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome.


a task or situation that tests someone’s abilities.

I call them challenges. And that actually makes a huge difference for me. Sure, they test my abilities, my patience, and my mood. That is neither necessarily unwelcome or harmful.

“How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight?” — Tyler Durdin

You are not just your problems.

YOU Define you. With your actions. All of them. From the moment of the beginning of you, until the end of it all.

And that give you a lot of amazing you to help you overcome your challenges.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

A while back, I wrote about always putting yourself first, And a lot of the private messages I got were asking about how to do that without feeling guilty.

Because we are raised with the message that we are to give to others, even at sacrifice to ourselves, and it’s very hard to overcome that.

I think people naturally equate putting yourself first with being a selfish asshole, and that’s not it at all.

In fact, I believe that by putting myself first, I’ve been able to open up and give far more than I ever did before. But that’s neither here nor there.

When talking about putting yourself first, I don’t mean grab the first (and biggest) slice of cake, or the last cocktail wienie, or bilking someone out of their pension.

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