Sneaky Needs

He’s fucking sexy, this new guy. Reminds me of Warrick Brown from the original CSI (RAWR!), except instead of greenish grey eyes, his are bluish grey, and delightfully wicked.

We were having tea on Saturday. A spontaneous thing. I had some time, and I asked him (on Tinder) would he like to meet.

A bit more than two hours of conversation ensued.

And during that conversation, I asked him what he was looking for on Tinder (always a moment of truth), and I looked him in the eyes.

He looked away, looked back, laughed a bit (not nervously, more self-deprecatingly, as I interpreted it), and said:

“Well, I like to fuck.”

If my panties didn’t fall to the ground in that instant, it’s only because my jeans were in the way.

Not because of the fucking. After at least 90 minutes of discussing sex and kink and whatever came to mind, I “knew” him as a sexual being.

It was that he told his truth. Simply. Clearly. Without shame.

He said what he wanted, and he owned it.

Which makes it so much easier to respond to, negotiate, and fulfill. Or not.

I’ve written about Nice Guys/Girls (NGs) before, and covert contracts.

NGs’ real crime is not that they have needs, but that they are so afraid of their needs that they are super sneaky about them—even to themselves.

NGs try to force everyone to guess what they want in return for “being nice,” for listening, for that steak dinner—as if these things are commodities for trade, which is another thing they make us guess at—and thereby make themselves impossible to please, because no one is a mind reader.

And sure, I’m guessing saying that you’re on Tinder to fuck will get more than a few “Nos,” but the “Yeses” you get will be 100% authentic, because there is no guessing what’s up.

It’s right there, clear as day, and up for negotiation.

Which is sexy AF.

Anyone disagree?

YES! Your Fantasy IS Possible. Not Very Probable, Though.

CW: mentions rape play

Have you ever seen someone put in a gimp outfit or latex suit restrained to a bench and put out for anyone who wants to use them at a party. Just a free hole for anyone to fuck?

I just want to be naked serving a group of women, and used as they please.

I want to be the center of a train, and be fucked by at least 30 individuals.

I want to be tied to a tree naked and left exposed to the elements, while people stop by and torment my genitals.

And so on.

Do these things happen? Sure.

Will they happen to you? Probably not.

(Unless they already have. In which case, YOU are not who I’m talking to. You already know how all this works, or you totally lucked out.)

I have had hundreds approach me with scenarios like these. Sometimes they are the same-old, same-old.

Sometimes they are a bit more creative—like that first one up there, which came to me yesterday with perfect timing for today’s topic.

Of course I do know people who have been party favors.

Or who have been strapped to a bench and fucked, one person after another taking their turn.

Or who have been the center of a gang-bang.

Or abducted.

Or CNC in the form or r*pe play with strangers (to them).

I’ve even organized a few of these things.

The people in the spotlight are generally well-loved, well-known, and vouched for by people who are also well-loved, well-known and well-respected in the scene.

My Pet, for example, has been shared around at a women’s get-together with my friends. five of us, one of him. We “used” him as we chose. We love him, and enjoyed giving him that experience.

I’ve had hundreds of kinksters ask me to help fulfill fantasies like that.

Not a single one would I ever consider, because I don’t know them well enough, and could not recommend/guarantee them to my friends.

I can’t say how they would act.

I can’t be sure they are truthful.

I don’t know if they are “good” at what they offer.

I don’t know their health history.

In [A Tale Of Two Cocks][], I wrote about a 5’9″ Italian guy with a cheeky smile and a dad bod.

My favorite bullfriend, ever.

I’ve not only recommended him to others, I’ve facilitated their experiences. I’ve known him for five years, now, and I’ve set him up with friends, with acquaintances, gotten him his first (and second) three-some, and waxed poetic about his stamina, skill, and awesomeness to most anyone who will listen.

But only AFTER I had consistently good experiences with him over time.

AND, when those I recommended him to also had consistently good experiences.

Let me ask you this:

Would you really want to just “use” a random hole?

Sure, some would.

Many get nothing from that, and so it’s a very rare thing.

Now, there are places you can go. Adult arcades, for one. And you may get what you’re looking for.

Honestly, anyone whose done these can tell you it’s a mixed bag. Some nights run smoothly, others are a shit-show, and many can be just meh.

So, yes, it is possible.

Thing is, in any case, you will have to put in the effort.

And that makes a difference.

Everyone I know who has gotten their fantasies fulfilled have earned them with their friendship, their love, their service and etc.

Or, their huge tits or massive cock? Got one of those and a sense of adventure? You’re probability increases.


But for those who expect to offer their sexuality up on a platter for everyone else to do all the work?

Pretty damned unlikely.

I Was Told Today…”50 Years Ago Folks Didn’t Do Anal”


This young man also proceeded to tell me that cunnilingus:

“puts guys in a women s position”

and that

“it’s just now becoming a norm.”
“I feel it’s new.”
“Men in the decade have just started doing it”

Let me tell you something here. This young man grew up in a religious family who adhered to the Bible.

I wonder if they’d torn out the Song of Solomon, LOL!

About anal, he also had this to say:

“In this generation ideas. Changing”

I replied, “Nothing is changing. You shits think you’re fucking discovering shit. Puh-leeeeeease. This is old as the fucking hills. It’s not new.”

Of course, that’s when he hits me with the 50 years line.

Fuuuuuuck! I mean, really.

When we were in Spain this past week, Pet and I had the honor and pleasure of spending a day in the La Mancha region with two amazing men. One gave us a hiking tour with some history of the region, and he and I got into a discussion about a dear friend of mine (now passed) who had done some amazing work of researching and documenting homosexual pairings in the Spanish Armada and piracy.

Gay Spanish pirates!

(Oh, but only in the past 50 years, of course! LOL!)

I mean, this boy has never heard of the Romans?

Or even (again) in his own bible?

Or, I dunno, done even a tiny bit of research of his own?

This is a bright young man, listening to people who have convinced him that:

“Since women make all the rules of sex relationships love they own it and men have no say just blindly follow ass.”

It saddens me for this boy and our friendship, and for his future prospects at happiness. Deeply.

NOTE: I don’t believe men should have to eat pussy. In fact, I wrote about that more than 5 years ago: My Perspective: Why Guys Should Not Be Required To Go Down On Girls

PSYCHOLAGNY: Orgasm Without Physical Stimulation


I’ve been talking about this for 10+ years.

And for all that time, I’ve been challenged by those who believe it’s not possible.

And yet…

There’s a word for this. Because it exists. And it’s more common than you might think.

Musing On Mindgasms (Touch-Free Orgasms)

If you’ve not experienced this (whatever your gender), you may want to try it out. It’s a pretty amazing experience, and can improve your physical sex life as well in so many amazing ways.

Image by engin akyurt from Pixabay

The Big Book Of Ass

The Big Book Of Ass: All about anal play and pleasure, including training, communication, safety, and more is the second Dating Kinky Presents book.

This is Nookie’s second book all about butt stuff, the first In Through The Out Door was published in 2015. In The Big Book of Ass, Nookie and kinksters from around the world answer your biggest questions about playing with your (or someone else’s) backside.

Here’s a sneak preview:

The Big Book Of Ass is scheduled to release on July 1, 2019 (watch for giveaways and promotions),  with free downloads on Amazon August 1-3, 2019.

The Big Book of Ass is part of the Dating Kinky Presents series of books, a new book series I’m creating to educate about kink in a friendly and approachable way.

It’s my goal to share not only my own experiences, but the experiences and ideas of other kinksters on each topic. As we all know, there is no WON TWOO WAY, and a variety of voices and perspectives will speak to the amazing variety of kinksters in our community.

If you’d like to receive notifications of new kink book releases, and reminders about when you can download books for free, choose an option below:

Let’s Talk About “Showing It Off”

Show Off!

A conversation I had about people who “show it off” online and how some people think about it.

“But heres what i dont get ( and im not talking about you ) why would a woman post pics of her tits and ass and more on a sexual fetishes site and then complain about a guy writing her to chat about similar sexual interests, or for sex? It just doesnt make much sense does it?”

Yes, it actually does.

I might enjoy people looking at my body and STILL not want that to be the only thing they can focus on, or even the primary thing.

It’s a perfectly sensible thing.

Here’s an idea, ALWAYS approach people as HUMAN first. If you connect, you’ll get to all the rest: objectification, degradation, power exchange, sex…

If you don’t connect, it won’t matter anyway.

“Im not the type to flaunt money but if i posted pics of my watch and cars id expect a certain type of woman to write me , and id expect to scare of the better quality woman because those were the photos i shared first.”

That’s victim blaming and it’s disgusting.

Why not blame the people who are not being considerate and polite, simply because of some photos online?

Does anyone have to be a jerk to me just because you’ve seen my breast?

(HINT) The answer is:



“Well what do they expect, if they show it off like that?”

Why would anyone think that it’s OK for anyone to be rude to another human being or focus only on their sexuality or money or ugliness or fatness or whatever, just because THEY think they show it off too much?

Do you see how gross that is?

What do these people expect? They expect that other people will treat them like people—as a bare minimum.

I require that and more.

What do you think?

  • Do you think it’s OK to judge people negatively by their photos and treat them poorly as a result?
  • What reason is there, if any, to not just stay silent when you see something that you don’t like?
  • In your experience, have you gotten good results from treating strangers as less-than-human?
  • Is treating people with consideration and respect so much more difficult that any excuse is worth using to avoid it?
  • How do you feel about posting photos “showing off” what you have?

Image by 2196557 on Pixabay

My Perspective: Why Guys Should Not Be Required To Go Down On Girls

This piece from was featured in this writing (FetLife Link), which I read in the wee hours today.

He’s funny. Or rather, many of his words are. I feel bad for him, though, that he had such a need to proclaim so much about something that is really his business and his alone.

You see, my view on this is simple:

Why Guys Should Not Be Required To Go Down On Girls:

Because they don’t want to.

It’s really that simple.

If you want it, even need it more complex, I can do that, too.

If you don’t like to eat pussy, don’t. You won’t get far with me, because I really like my cunt licked like it’s 190 degrees outside, and I’m the last fucking ice cream cone on earth.

But that’s my choice. Just like it’s your choice to not want it.

So, no worries. We won’t have sex. That’s easy.

You see, you get to offer sex to me because you want it from me. For whatever reason. You may like my looks, my devil-may-care-attitude, my super-hot ass, the amazing patterns cellulite makes on the backs of my thighs, or because you are seriously drunk, and you’re convinced I’m your last chance for the night (or ever, really). It matters not to me. You have a reason for offering me sex.

And I have my own reasons if I turn you down. I may not like your face, or your shoes, or the way you treat the waitress, or your views on marriage equality, or the fact that you don’t like Blazing Saddles.

Whatever my reasons to turn you down, they are just as valid as yours.

AND, if you offer me sex, and I say I like my sex with a vigorous carpet-munching, then you are free to turn me down.

It’s not entitlement. Anymore than it’s entitlement for you to prefer blondes to my sultry brunette hue.

So, it’s still simple.

Do what you want and enjoy in bed. Don’t do what you don’t want and don’t enjoy.

P.S. To be 100% clear, yes, I could “force” a sub to eat me, just because I’mma twoo dominate, but frankly, I would never take on a sub seriously that was not in heaven spending happy time between my thighs.