I’m Looking For A Sub Who Will Challenge Me

Help Wanted: Sex Slave

I’m looking for a submissive. A sub who will challenge me. A sub who isn’t afraid to speak their mind, except on the topics of household chores, my sexual gratification, politics, or whether Tim Roth is the hottest ugly dude ever.

In other words, a submissive who knows their own mind, and isn’t afraid to speak up, just not while I’m trying to read, while I’m shopping for clothes, during dinner, when we’re out hiking, or just before bed. Actually, I’d prefer they hold that thought until the prearranged time for such things every week.

Which, to be fair, sometimes conflicts with social stuff, and gets put off. But for only a week. Or three. Or whatever. I mean, it’s not that big a deal.

I’m looking for a submissive who’s guided by their personal ethics and morality, but never questions my habits or decisions—is that too much to ask for?

Continue reading “I’m Looking For A Sub Who Will Challenge Me”

Thing Is… People DO Make Assumptions

A projector in a dark room with the words "It'a called projection."

Last August I wrote a piece about how saying “I don’t do drama,” pretty much guarantees that people will assume you’re a primary source for it.

And a lot of people agreed.

They may be wrong, sure.

But they will assume it. Because of experience with so many others who say the same thing, then cause as much drama as possible.

It’s one of those things that is true MOST of the time in my experience.

Not all of the time. Continue reading “Thing Is… People DO Make Assumptions”

Let’s Debate: Bi- And Switch-Phobia

The bisexual flag with the word "BOTH" overlaid.

Content warning: r^pe mentioned.

When I post these debates, I often don’t have an opinion, and I say so.

In this case I do, and I will say so. First, though, I’ll present the idea and the two sides as I see them. I’ll likely do this imperfectly. Just a warning.

Biphobia and switchphobia are not really “fears,” per se, but a pattern of beliefs that makes people less likely to find those who identify as bisexual or as a switch desirable.

There are many reasons/excuses, and some are similar for both bisexuality and switching, while some are different. Continue reading “Let’s Debate: Bi- And Switch-Phobia”

Q. What Is The Difference Between A Garbanzo Bean And A Chickpea?

An illustration of a man with a monocle peering between a woman's legs looking for the clitoris.

A. I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my face!

*guffaw*

Ok, ok, I’ve got another.

Q. What’s the difference between a man’s orgasm and a woman’s orgasm?

A. Scientists don’t question whether male orgasms exist.

*laughs, then… sighs*

Look, people, female pleasure has been around as long as male pleasure, and all of this confusion about how it works hurts EVERYONE.

If orgasm doesn’t exist outside of ejaculation, then women get the short end if they don’t squirt, and men never get to learn to experience multiples.

AND… what’s in it for those women who enjoy sex with men, if their pleasure is not a priority?

It’s sad.

To brighten it up, though, I found this fun little documentary on the clitoris that I wanted to share with you. It’s French, and subtitled, which somehow makes it even cuter to me, and the whimsical animation makes me smile.

No, Your Culture Does Not Get To Dictate MY Pleasure: The Orgasm Gap

Orgasm Gap

I’ll admit, I still don’t get the Orgasm Gap thing, even though I’ve written about it before.

In this post, the quote I picked up on was:

“According to both the books I’ve read on it, the orgasm gap exists primarily because our culture still overvalues penile pleasure and undervalues clitoral pleasure. “

What does culture have to do with when you are in bed with someone?

I mean, you may overvalue penile pleasure (and for me, there is a LOT to be valued), while I value my clitoral pleasure a great deal. Continue reading “No, Your Culture Does Not Get To Dictate MY Pleasure: The Orgasm Gap”

The Four Kinds Of Kinkster

The Four Kinds of Kinkster

1. The kinkster who pretends to know all the kinky things for any variety of reasons (superiority, authority, power, etc.) but don’t actually know what they are doing.

2. Those who actually believe they know all the kinky things but are completely wrong.

3. People who admit they don’t know all the kinky things, and let that paralyze them because they believe types 1 and 2 are being truthful.

4. Kinksters who are ok admitting they don’t know all the kinky things and just get on with it anyway.

I prefer the last kind.

*smiles*

Why Not Judging Is Impossible (And What To Do About It)

I'm judging you.

Yesterday, I wrote about penis size and why I don’t believe it’s a factor of dominance. Jedi_K responded with this comment.

Everyone is different but people are too quick to judge, label and put in boxes.

On the surface, this is true. It’s something we say all the time. Hell, I even say that I don’t judge, and that is one reason I think people like me, despite my obvious flaws (which are legion).

But…

And this is a BIG but (like mine, LOLOL!)

Yeah, my terrible sense of humor is one of those glaring flaws, deal with it.

But…

Humans have survived through judging.

Here’s a quick synopsis of human behavior and evolution (whether you believe in darwinism, Adam & Eve, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster):

When humans, back in the day, met someone that they didn’t know, they had three choices:

1. Befriend
2. Fight
3. Run

If they chose befriend or fight, they stuck around. And they may have been right or wrong.

If they ran, of course they could be chased, but they would be removing themselves from one of the other options.

So, let’s look at this:

Befriend
Right: Make Friend +1
Wrong: Dead/Bad Things -1

Fight
Right (about winning): The Other Gets Dead/Bad Things +1
Wrong: Dead/Bad Things -1

Run
Right: No Dead/Bad Things Yourself +1
Wrong: Still No Dead/Bad Things Yourself -1

Not getting into factors such as making friend could bring more than +1 benefits, or that killing someone whether right or wrong about their intentions can bring an entire tribe down upon you and therefore lead to more than -1 benefits…

Run away and avoid different was the MOST likely to get you good results.

And even those who did not choose to run were split between befriend and fight, with fight likely winning out in the “survivors” ratio, simply because they were prepared for the worst, even if they did switch to befriend after not-killing.

Therefore, judging something as “different” and either running away (eek! Change is scary!) or fighting it is 2/3 of our potential right choices, and are hardwired into our brain.

So, we have to judge. Instantly. Immediately. So that we can survive.

It’s what we do with that judging that matters.

So, our brains sort and categorize even before we are aware. It’s what happens. That’s neither bad nor good. It is what is. I see a new person, and I immediately get a lot of information:

  • Human
  • Male
  • Tall
  • Light-skinned
  • Dark hair
  • Beard
  • Cute
  • Threatening or non-threatening body language

And so on… So, because of these observations and my experience in this world, I will make several assumptions on how to approach, which may or may not be right.

The key part is:

…which may or may not be right.

This is where many people go horribly, terribly, inhumanly wrong with judging and labeling. They make assumptions and accept them as fact, rather than continuing to create new labels and categories/sub-categories to fit the unique human being standing before them

So, let’s continue. Tall dude looks pretty damn masculine to me, so I assume he is straight or bi, and will find me attractive, and approach him that way.

No, let’s say he’s gay. Or asexual. Or just not into wicked-smart-mostly-dominant-women-with-a-tiny-waist-and-thick-hips-and sparkling-eyes. Or, just not into ME.

But I don’t change my assumptions. He is man. He is cute. Therefore, he must be attracted to me.

That is where I’m the asshole.

Not in judging the situation incorrectly to begin with, but in not accepting the change in perspective. Not treating him like the human he is, but as the human I have judged him to be.

Thoughts?

The Problem With “Women Don’t Want Sex As Much As Men”

Men Vs. Women In Bed

Someone said in a conversation I’m in:

Those sort of atitudes, still alive in the 21st century, create a wall of misunderstanding and distrust that every man has to negotiate… <snipped>

And every woman.

Ever been in an argument, and had your partner tell you “I didn’t do X because you would do Y, and I didn’t want that,” and you were standing there wondering who the hell they think you are, because that was NOT your reaction? Continue reading “The Problem With “Women Don’t Want Sex As Much As Men””