Taming your Masculine Pride: Male Submission

“Kneel lowly worm! You are not worthy to lick my boots!”

Oh, jeez. Ummm. Ok, so that’s not gonna work. Not for 90% of the submissives, male or otherwise, I know.

So why is it such a pervasive idea?

Taming your Masculine Pride: Male Submission Class Description

There is a lot online and in print about submission, mostly female-oriented, because, let’s face it, there are more female submissives than male. And what male submissives are writing is more fantasitical and porn-driven than what you’ll find in a real relationship. So, can you be yourself in today’s society and still submit? Yes! You can. Nookie will give you all the tools you need to find your way.

FemDom: Finding Your Feminine Leadership Style

“I don’t want to be a FemDom. I don’t like leather!”

To some, this may seem silly. To others,this pretty much describes their attitude. They’ve probably been beset by do-me subs and seen too much porn or TV episodes with bitchy ice queens.

This class will bust all those assumptions.

FemDom: Finding Your Feminine Leadership Style Class Description

There is a lot online and in print about domination, mostly male-oriented, because, let’s face it, there are more of them than us. There is still a lot about femdom out there, too, though. Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of that is actually written by men, too, being over-sexualized and fantastical. This class is about the real deal. How to find YOUR perfect balance of hot, sexy, tough, firm, loving, sweet, and whatever else you want to throw in the pot.

Read a bit more about what I think about FemDom.

Sexy, Safe & Pain-Free Anal (Including Pegging!)

What, what? In the butt!

Oh, that never grows old for me. And neither does anal play. There is so much amazing pleasure to be had that is overlooked because “It hurts,” or “It’s wrong.”

Let’s talk about anal pleasure and separate fact from fiction, demystifying the process.

Sexy, Safe & Pain-Free Anal (Including Pegging!) Class Description

Based on my book In Through The Out Door, this class is for those of you curious about anal, but (get it, butt? LOL!) worried about the pain, the mess, the ghey, and more. Come and spend some time with me learning about spear-fishing for poop sharks! *smiles*

Yield Your Strength: Living And Loving As An Alpha Submissive

“You’re not submissive!”

If you’re an alpha submissive, you’ve heard this enough times that you may even be starting to believe them. After all, you’re no doormat, you have standards, and damn it, you know how to run the show.

You just don’t want to.

The Alpha Submissive Class Description:

You know you are submissive. And yet, you are a strong, take-charge kind of guy or girl, which makes some dominants complain of topping-from-the bottom, or claim that you’re not submissive at all. How do you find your submission and yield, when the time is truly right?

Dating Kinky, The Class

One of the most common questions I’m asked is, “Where Do I Find ______ (Fill In The Blank Amazing Kinky Person)?”

This class address that topic and others, including writing a profile, photos, starting a conversation, and more.

Dating Kinky Class Description:

In this class, we’ll cover some of the most important actions and attitudes for finding one or several lifestyle partners, from writing your profile and choosing the best photos to get your point across to making contact, common pitfalls, and some hilarious examples of ‘when personals go wrong!’

We’ll also discuss which online sites offer the best options for connecting with your kinky peeps.

This is a very interactive class, so bring your pencil or pen and some paper to write down those tips from the creator of https://www.datingkinky.com and the co-author of http://datingkinkybook.com

More about my thoughts on kinky dating:

Kinky Dating


I Command You To Understand! Communication For Kinky Relationships

If only it worked that way, right? Life would be so much easier.

But, alas.

We need to look for other methods. Luckily, I have a few suggestions.

Communication Class Description:

No matter where you turn for advice in this world of kinky relationships and power exchange, “Communicate,” is the first thing you’ll hear. So, what is communication? How do we get better at it? We’ll talk about the pieces of communication and how they add up to make a successful kinky relationship.

Read more about my thoughts in kinky communication.

The Art Of Toilet Paper Bondage: Behavior Modification In Power Exchange Relationships

I like to say that behavior modification happens whether you want it to or not, so understanding it can play a critical role in your power exchange.

Heck, I recommend it to both sides of the slash and anyone who wants to get more from their relationships with others…

Behavior Modification Class Description:

What is behavior modification? It’s how behavior is changed through interaction. In D/s circles, we may call it training, but even in vanilla situations, behavior modification happens whether you want it to or not. So, since it’s going to happen anyway, why not do it right? This class is all about the basics of behavior modification and how to make it work for you in your relationships, and how to use it as the basis for more in-depth D/s training.

See more about my thoughts on Behavior Modification.

I Love To Teach! Bio & Stuff

So, I teach. I LOVE to teach. In fact, even my vanilla life and profession has been mostly about teaching and inspiring others.

So, doing this in kink is just delightful!

I’ve created a category to hold my class descriptions, educational content, and books for anyone interested, so you can find it all here.


NookieNotes, known by most as Nookie, grew up in the lifestyle and around people of every color and bent. Her primary fetishes are communication and behavior modification. She’s a lifestyle dominant who runs her relationships and enjoys switching in the bedroom. She is currently building a new kinky dating site: https://datingkinky.com


NookieNotes, September 2018

Musing On Mindgasms (Touch-Free Orgasms)

A vintage medical illustration of the brain in a human head, with a finger poking it, and a very enthusiastic "OH YEAH!" overlaid.

This has been a casual and not-so-casual study of mine for years.

In fact, I fully credit having a hypnotic mindgasm for unlocking my potential to achieve MANY multiples of orgasms.

One I truly understood the mind’s role in my pleasure, I was quick to explore ALL the limits, and they are MUCH further away than I ever thought!

Yay me!

And yay my partners for getting all that sexiness and also being a part of making it happen.

Over the years, I’ve collected some comments about mindgasms that illustrate some of the misconceptions about how the brain and the body work together in pleasure, and I wanted to post a few here as a collection to spur discussion.

Here goes.

No one has ever proved orgasm without physical sensation.

Oh. Jeez. Ummm.

Ever heard of wet dreams?

Or Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder

And the book, The Science of Orgasm

So, yeah. There’s proof.

But you know what’s ironic? It’s that something as physical as sex is almost completely dependent on the psychological. Why can’t we just get some natural lubrication (i.e. the wetness that flows from within), get a few strokes, and bam! We’re speaking in Japanese French with an Igbo accent. Why do we have to focus our minds?

Well, because everything we feel is ultimately felt through our minds. Someone may poke you with a sharp stick, but if your mind does not translate the nerve’s communications, you feel nada.

And our minds, much as we’d like them to be, are not the google of our body. We don’t just input a command like, “lubricate,” and have it delivered.

We want what we want, even when we don’t know we want it, and that complicates shit, sometimes.

But if it is true that 99% of our orgasm comes from our mind, then what the heck gives those men the right to say things like, “I gave you multiple orgasms …”? Next time a man says something like that, you should respond with, “No, you did not! I did 99% of the work. You only thrusted.” That would be pretty accurate, right?

Well, yes.

And no.

Your brain did all of the work, but your partner inspired it. And not just with their physicality, but with their smile, and their charm, and their love—which you responded to, right?

Or we’d all be perfectly happy sitting around masturbating all day.

And I’m not saying you’re not, or that that’s bad.

I’m saying that’s not how all of us get off.

Frankly, while I can get myself off in pretty powerful ways, adding in a person I like and want to do the sex with makes my orgasm MUCH more powerful. By a factor of 100x or more.

Partially because of the feels.

Partially because it’s not predictable.

Partially, because I don’t have to do all the work (DJing is hard on the carpal tunnel, yo).

ON the other hand, having worked out my mental “muscles,” I can get off easier and harder with people than I could when I left it all up to them.

Like having a physical trainer. Sure, they can take you through things you’ve never done before. However, if you have strength and flexiblity in other areas, it helps them help you get more out of it.

Same thing.

Even experts (at orgasming) can use partners to get even better.

And the one I found particularly funny: studies show that parts of a woman’s brain are deactivated during orgasm, especially those involved in emotion. Well, this must explain why after the orgasm we they get the “Oh, shit” feeling. It’s because after the orgasm, the parts of our your brain that were deactivated are now reactivated. All of a sudden, your emotions remember that the person you’re lying next to still hasn’t paid child support for your three children. I don’t know. That’s how I imagine it.

That’s not QUITE how it works.

During orgasms certain parts of the brain—mostly those related to fear and anxiety are shut down, and emotions are cut off. Logic is gone.

However, the key that the article is missing is that fear, logic and anxiety need to be shut off for orgasm to happen.

Or at least slowed.

So, that takes a decision at the beginning.

To trust.

At least for now.

Those who have practiced with their own minds have a sort of “shortcut” around all that, and can make it to the necessary relaxation faster.

So, if you can cum with your mind, can’t I just tell you to cum, and you do it? I don’t need to touch you at all.

Well, yes.

HOWEVER, if all you do is tell me to cum and don’t back up up with physical fun, I’ll get bored. After all, I can cum on my own, yah?

It’s all about mixing it up.

And SUCH a good reward…

One of the wonderful things about mindgasms is how they can be used to reinforce behavior modification goals when you are not in direct contact, or not in a place to stick your hand down your partner’s pants…

So, for example, you’re out, and they do something you love. Reward with a “Good ____, cum for me!”

They get immediate pleasure, and reward.

Later, you can follow-up with more physical pleasure and praise.

Or, with hypnotic command, set “pleasure” as an automated reward when they do something good for them (like work out), and you’re not around.

Then, of course, follow up with praise and more physical reward later.

But mindgasms are NOT just for behavior modification.

If you can cum from just your mind, doesn’t that expand your potential erogenous zones quite a bit?

I love having my nipples sucked. If I can turn the pleasure up in my mind, I can create orgasm. I’ve done that enough in the past, I can easily orgasm from having my nipples stimulated, and I don’t have to even think about it anymore. It’s automatic.

Or cumming hard while having intercourse, and being told to cum hard mentally as well? Doubling up on pleasure! Or multiplying it!

There are so many possibilities.

Every once in a while, I just have to write about this again, because it’s such an amazing possibility.

I’ve written about this before:

COC – Cum on Command – A Few Thoughts

I also teach a class on orgasms (and I love to travel! Invite me!):

Teaching N’ Stuff

Your thoughts?

What are your experiences with mindgasms?

Have you tried them?

Have they worked for you? In what circumstances?

Did they change your overall sensitivity/ability to orgasm?