My new book, The Big Book of Ass, has a chapter titled, “Well, they do it in porn, don’t they?”
In this chapter, I talk about how even porn stars don’t do what they do without A LOT of prep and training (not to mention the “behind the scenes, between-takes stuff), and then days, even weeks of recovery after intense scenes.
Yesterday, I was approached by a man commenting about one of my pictures and posing a question to me:
“Ok so in this picture you have a cuck who I assume you never had sex with but let him worship your feet to some degree. You’re an absolute image, truly gorgeous and from what I can tell a high calibre domme and human being in general. This cuck would love to be inside you but he didn’t (again assuming), he only got your feet.”
“…the thought of being restricted to only be allowed a certain level of intimacy is seriously messing with my mind.”
“When you’re with a sub/cuck do you truly believe they are less than you? Not sure if I can handle the answer.”
I battle this every day on behalf of myself and on behalf of kink.
What you see in porn and online fantasy is GREAT, but it’s not real.
It’s no more real than Jackie Chan being ACTUALLY drunk in Drunken Master. It’s got the same basis in reality that Hans Solo or Jabba does.
That doesn’t mean it’s not fun.
It is.
Dress up, act it out, enjoy the amazing charge of being MORE (or less) than yourselves for a while…
But realize it’s NOT real.
Yes, there are extremists out there. FemDoms who step on or kick balls until they are purpled and swollen and misshapen. There are Male dominants who will whip a bottom bloody and near to passing out. There are those who will literally SEW UP A ZIPPER TO LABIA, so they can have the pleasure of zipping and unzipping it.
But if you think this is everyday, you’ve been watching/reading/listening to too much porn.
Roughness, even extreme roughness, comes into play when the mood is right. A cherry red bottom and squeals and wiggles have their appeal.
But more often, it’s about intense prolonged SENSORY OVERLOAD (including pleasure) way more than it’s about just causing pain.
Pain is usually doled out in specific amounts at specific times, to push the emotional connection, to create the headspace, and to release endorphin cocktail to send them flying.
And when I’m talking about pain, I’m talking about physical AND emotional.
Humiliation.
Degradation.
Denial.
These are all carefully considered and woven into the fabric of life as bright (or dark) threads. They are not the foundation for it in the majority of relationships, no matter how intense.
Because there needs to be the dark AND the light.
The humiliation and the love.
Scenes and the day-to-day vanilla.
Because when you and your flatmates don’t have money for the pizza, and offer…ahem…favors to the delivery boy instead, it’s NOT going to go well to start an hour long anal orgy with just a bit of spit and a 5-minute warmup.
