No joke — it’s a question we get ALL. THE. TIME. 👏

Are you a top or a dominant?

I’m a dominant. I like to make the decisions in my relationships AND I like to take the responsibility for those decisions.

I work best that way.

And, as a matter of fact, I’m a kind of lame top in most situations. I don’t do pick up play, I’m not a sadist, and I generally don’t like telling people what to do.

More, I also enjoy bottoming, LOL!

That’s why I call myself a dominant hedonist—because if it’s fun and pleasurable, I’ll probably do it, without regard fo the “top” or “bottom” of it all. After all, I’m in charge, I can do what I want, right?

But what is really the difference between topping and dominance?

Here’s the definitions I use for myself:

Top: Someone who gives actions in scenes (or sex). This may mean spanking, whipping, flogging, pegging, etc.

Dominant: Someone who exchanges mental leadership and responsibility to another for power over them/their actions/choices. This often includes direction in life choices, self-improvement, task and chores, etc.

But here’s the thing: People define these differently.

And being a top is not inherently better than being a dominant or vice versa. And yes, you can be both, but it’s also not a requirement.

In my opinion, there’s no wrong way to go about it, as long as you and your partners are enjoying whatever it is you’re getting up to.

I’m dying to know! Which one are you? 🤔

Top vs dom. Which one are you? Or, which do you prefer? Why?