No joke — it’s a question we get ALL. THE. TIME. 👏
Are you a top or a dominant?
I’m a dominant. I like to make the decisions in my relationships AND I like to take the responsibility for those decisions.
I work best that way.
And, as a matter of fact, I’m a kind of lame top in most situations. I don’t do pick up play, I’m not a sadist, and I generally don’t like telling people what to do.
More, I also enjoy bottoming, LOL!
That’s why I call myself a dominant hedonist—because if it’s fun and pleasurable, I’ll probably do it, without regard fo the “top” or “bottom” of it all. After all, I’m in charge, I can do what I want, right?
But what is really the difference between topping and dominance?
Here’s the definitions I use for myself:
Top: Someone who gives actions in scenes (or sex). This may mean spanking, whipping, flogging, pegging, etc.
Dominant: Someone who exchanges mental leadership and responsibility to another for power over them/their actions/choices. This often includes direction in life choices, self-improvement, task and chores, etc.
But here’s the thing: People define these differently.
And being a top is not inherently better than being a dominant or vice versa. And yes, you can be both, but it’s also not a requirement.
In my opinion, there’s no wrong way to go about it, as long as you and your partners are enjoying whatever it is you’re getting up to.
I’m dying to know! Which one are you? 🤔
Top vs dom. Which one are you? Or, which do you prefer? Why?
Thank you for your Topping vs Dominance article. It was very interesting reading your definition and explanation comparison of the two.
This is exactly how I view both, although I am neither. I am exact opposite being a Submissive slave and as such a Bottom/Submissive.
Respectfully, Thank You,