I want to say that, because so many people say a relationship is hard work.

I disagree, at least for me.

I mean, it can contain some work. A lot of it, really. Most of it self-work (because as I said earlier this week, you can’t change others).

But the relationship overall is easy.

And by easy, I also don’t mean that it’s simple. Most relationships will have a lot of weird complexities and bit and bobs to figure out, as we mesh, as we grow, as we change and learn…

I also don’t mean we will never fight. Or argue. Or feel jealousy. Or cry. Or hate everything. Or feel despondent.

But it will be easy.

Easy in the sense that no matter what happens, we both still feel loved, cared for, and secure. That our partners are as invested as we are.

Because when I feel that, I have the emotional space to roam around those other feelings and explore them, and figure out what to do with them, how to communicate them, how to grow with them or learn from them.

When I’m in a relationship that is not easy, it’s much harder to process emotions productively, because my emotional and intellectual resources are tied up in worry and caretaking the relationship itself, instead of focusing on the needs of me and my partner.

And it spirals into a greater and greater deficit over time, with every small snit or ding to an ego here and there adding to the pile of hurts and insecurities and the growing gulf between us.

Easy. Comfortable. A good fit.

What are your thoughts?

Do you agree? Disagree? Have you experienced a good relationship? What marks it as good to you? If not, what made your bad relationships not-good?