Right now it is. I’m writing to YOU.
Sure, sometimes I write about me and my experiences. I try to make that clear, by saying “me” and “I” a lot.
Sometimes, I write about others and their shitty behavior, but even then, I’m not writing to them. I’m writing to you.
My writings when you read them are all about you.
And so is your life. All about you, that is.
Which, in one sense is the only way it can be. After all, everything that happens to you happens to you from your perspective.
Stay with me, LOL!
When I write, I often get asked, “How do I get __ to stop doing/being this way?”
I’d like to share something I found on social media:
You don’t ‘make’ someone stop treating you badly. You walk out of their lives and stay out of their lives, and VOILA…the bad treatment stops. —CICI B.
Which is MOSTLY true.
There are some people that will still continue on. Thankfully, stalkers and the like are few and far between, and usually leaving does the trick.
Which puts the power in your hands.
Which many people know.
And a whole crap-ton of people absolutely don’t want to know.
Because they don’t want to leave. They want to CHANGE the other person. MAKE them be different than they are.
When it’s really all about them.
It’s all about you.
When I write, “Here are 15 ways to stop being an asshole,” I’m talking to you. How YOU can stop being an asshole, in fifteen simple steps.
Maybe only three of those apply to you. Great! Now you know how to stop (or start stopping) being an asshole in those three ways.
(Maybe NONE of those ways apply to you, so you just carry on your merry way.)
Know what you can’t do, though?
Make someone else stop being an asshole in the nine and three-quarters way they are asshole-ling around.
Because that’s just not within your control.
YOU are within your control.
Others are not.
Another thing you can’t do, or at least shouldn’t do?
Use my writings as a bludgeon to beat someone over the head.
“Look, Nookie said these are the fifteen ways of being an asshole, and you match exactly nine and three quarters of them and this one I think is at least 75 percent you, so Nookie says here’s how you can fix that. Because being an asshole is bad, Mmmmkay?”
Because it’s not about them.
It’s about you.
You want change?
- Change what you put up with.
- Change how you react.
- Change how you feel.
- Change what you do.
- Change who you see.
- Change your circumstances.
But don’t think you can really change others. Or if you can, don’t think that you should.
(If you have a negotiated agreement that both of you consent to that lays out what you are BOTH willing to work on together, that’s a ‘nother ball of wax, natch.)
I have some experience here. Several years of my marriage was me trying to change my ex-husband with relationship workbooks and research and begging. I’ve discovered that simply communicating with someone what makes you happy and what hurts you is enough, when you have chosen the right people to have in your life.
You don’t have to change them at all.
What are your thoughts?
Ever tried to change someone? Maybe after reading a book or a self-help article, or whatever? Or is this writing not about you at all?