I feel like a lot of people either misunderstand or misrepresent what that means.

Because there are things you can’t (or shouldn’t) fake:

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Lifestyle

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Promises

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Skills

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Results

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Bling

Some of these are crimes to fake in most places. Others are just phony and possibly dangerous (think bullwhips and the harm they can do in the wrong hands), and if you’re exposed, it’s a hassle to get over and through (if you ever do).

There are things you can fake, though:

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Belief in yourself and your abilities to change or grow or get better.

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The actions of the person you are working on being, even if it’s not quite the one you are now.

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Confidence to match the skill level you have (and to learn more).

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Good deeds, even when you feel uncharitable.

These things are good to fake, because like anything, practice makes perfect.

I like to say, “Don’t do the things, be the person who does the things,” and when I say that, I’m saying that it’s not about doing this thing and this thing and this thing and getting kink (for example). It’s about being the kind of person who does those things that people want to kink with.

I also say, though, “Do the things until you are the person who does the things.” And by that I mean that you have to sometimes practice being a person for a while before you really are that person.

When you do those things—and this is key—you are changing even as you do them. Into someone who does those things. Because you just did. And your brain subconsciously recognizes that.

Because you are showing in both thought and deed (to yourself and others) that you’re working towards being the person to whom that comes naturally.

And effort matters.

The takeaway is don’t fake facts.

But DO fake the way you behave and believe right now so that it matches how you will act and think when all of your practice pays off and you become more of the person you want to be.