(Inspired by @_do_ on FetLife)
Some people will tell you that you’re not and you need to change to be worthy.
I disagree with this.
You are worthy of love. You are worthy of friendship. You are worthy of compassion.
I know you. I believe in you.
The challenge is that you may not be communicating that to the people you want love, friendship and compassion from. Or maybe to anyone.
And that’s an important distinction.
Because it’s not necessarily about FIXING you. It’s about fixing your processes.
1. Your choices. Who are you choosing to ask for love/friendship/compassion from? Maybe you’re not choosing the right people for you.
2. Your approach. How you approach each person often sets the tone for your relationship. As they say, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”
3. Your communication. And this is a biggie, because it’s not only how you communicate, but WHAT you communicate, which is often dependent on…
4. Your habitual thinking patterns. Some people might say this is changing YOU. I disagree. Changing my mind is not changing who I am. It’s reacting to information I’m given, and hopefully creating a new and better understanding of reality.
What we think is not some sort of unassailable sacred concept. In fact, I wrote Don’t Believe Everything You Think (https://datingkinky.com/blog/lifestyle-thoughts/dont-believe-everything-you-think/) in August of 2018 specifically to combat that.
Becoming someone who receives tons of love and friendship and acceptance, even when you’ve not been that person before IS possible.
I know this because I made a choice to make that change in my mid-30s.
And I examined those four aspects of me and changed them bit-by-bit over time as I received positive feedback and saw positive results.
It took me 3+ years before I really felt like I’d made progress. About 5 before I felt like I was as good as the “average” person at it. And after 13 years, I’m thrilled I took the time while still looking forward to continuing to improve my behaviors and my life.
And I’m not any more worthy now than I was then. (Another writing on a similar topic, from a slightly different perspective: No One Will Love Me For Who I Am: https://datingkinky.com/blog/general-love-romance/no-one-will-love-me-for-who-i-am/ )