I like to say that in interactions with others, you cannot NOT communicate.
And consistency is one of those things that communicate loud and clear.
I don’t ever make demands of people. Even as a dominant, that is not my style.
I ask people to tell me who they are and what they will do, and that follow that up with being that person and doing those things.
Often, when I allow people to do exactly that, choose their place in my life, they still can’t make it happen.
Which is fine. I mean, we all make mistakes.
Hell, I’ve made more than a few whoppers today, and I’ve only been up 4 1/2 hours, LOL!
However, if you make enough of those mistakes, I begin to wonder whether you’re telling the truth. To me, or even to yourself. And let me be clear, I don’t care if you’re lying to me or to you—the results are the same, and I will save you the trouble of having to say anything to me at all.
And when I ask about something you said, and how your actions don’t seem to align, and you get upset, well, that tells me something, too.
It tells me you don’t value your words.
That you speak them to have something to say or to get something you want, not necessarily to back them up with consistent action.
And again, that’s OK.
Not for me.
I’ll say, “Thank you, but no thanks,” and move on.
Because when your word and actions do not align, not only will I not believe you love me, I’ll not believe that you love yourself.
I found the Love Language theory to be a great starting point. Your take drives an interesting point about the interpretation of love. Yours may be more in line with a follow up book on the 5 Languages of Apology which addresses consistency wi the words and actions.