Why We Don’t Assume Our Partners’ Thoughts

by | Jun 3, 2018 | Communication | 0 comments

I had this conversation some years ago. I put it into my idea folder, and it’s just now come up again (as I was doing research on something else).

I think it’s an excellent example of how we get in our own damn way too often.

AGuySomewhere 40ishM

So a quick question from something that happened yesterday id like to get your take on.

Yesterday morning my wife and I were getting intimate, i went down on her and then brought her to orgasm with my fingers before intercourse. After her orgasm she rolled over onto her stomach presenting herself to me so i would take her from behind.

As ive mentioned before, this is not a position that is conducive to my length which she obviously knows. I struggled to get in and stay in from that position and it was nearly impossible to get a nice even stroke rythym going.

So the question is, do you think this was intentional on her part? was she trying to show me the limitation for some reason? did she just feel like laying that way and forgot it wouldnt work with my cock?

Am i just overthinking it?

NookieNotes 41F

Ask her.

This is where the communication of cuckolding comes into play.

Bring it up over lunch, or text:

“So, last night, we did doggy, which you seemed to want from me. I tend to feel insecure at my ability to please you in that position. So, when we are in that position, I feel the inadequacies of my length. That’s a good position to use when you’d like to drive that point home.”

Or, whatever your words.

It’s not about accusing her. It’s about stating YOUR thoughts and feelings, and never, ever assuming hers. Allow her the same room to do so.

May I use this as an example in my writngs? I’ll remove identifiers.

AGuySomewhere 40ishM

Sure,

I actually did mention it after. She actually came twice during the session and then stopped the sex after about 15mins before i finished when i flipped her over.

She told me she had gotten there twice and was fully taken care of and said hopefully i got there as well.

I replied i kind of wasnt done and she asked why not so i replied “well that position from behind isnt really conducive to getting deep enough or getting a good rythym without falling” and she replied “yeah that is an issue…”

NookieNotes 41F

But you still have the question.

So, you did not finish your conversation. Nor did you communicate how you felt. Just the effects.

AGuySomewhere 40ishM

so you think i should just ask her if she intentionally presented herself in that position to highlight the fact that i cant fuck her well that way?

seems kind of aggressive and accusatory.

NookieNotes 41F

No.

Re-read what I wrote. Was there a question in there?

AGuySomewhere 40ishM

i just re-read. very interesting. So essentially i am stating the facts and letting her know in the future that position will be a clear way she can reinforce my inadequacy if she chooses to want to remind me.

NookieNotes 41F

Yes. Exactly.

And she may choose to tell you that she does not feel that way about it.

You can both have your own interpretations of the event. And KNOWING what the other thinks is as important as your own version.

For example, during pegging, my Pet feels feminine. I see him as masculine, and feel I am entering him with my femininity.

Neither is wrong.

Different points of view.

I can play with his POV, while still having mine.

Make sense?

AGuySomewhere 40ishM

yep, asking her now.

NookieNotes 41F

Not asking.

Simply stating your feelings!

AGuySomewhere 40ishM

haha yes, thats what i mean. lol

NookieNotes 41F

Good. smiles

AGuySomewhere 40ishM

her reply “i honestly didnt even think about it before i did it, just felt natural to me. I wasnt thinking that you couldnt fuck properly that way and it was still fun. not every position has to blow my mind you know….. does it bother you that you cant fuck like that?”

NookieNotes 41F

There you go. A dialog… without accusations or assumptions.

claps

AGuySomewhere 40ishM

continued “im sorry, i just kind of went with the flow and im not used to that position not working, it is kind of my favorite as you know”

to which i replied “i dont blame you at all :), I love that you love it that way and feel free to go for it again, just know that it is a powerful reminder of my limitations”

her reply “youve never been afraid of your limitations, maybe you like being reminded?”

me “lol, so were you reminding me yesterday?”

her “not intentionally, but i like that it reminded you”

NookieNotes 41F

See?

Now you know that she knows she is reminding you, and that she also enjoys it.

She knows that you will be reminded, and can enjoy both aspects.

*smiles*

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