Those in the know, know. Those who are not can still benefit from this writing, if they choose.
Someone local hurt three other local someones. Badly. Non-consent, lying, stealthing.
The details that have gotten around vary on degrees and details. Very few people excused the accused, some defended them based on relative harm and extenuating circumstances. It is generally accepted wrong was done.
The accused was asked to stay away from a local event for a time, because the accusers attended that event regularly, and they deserve a safe space.
The accused was invited by parties unaware of the details to a special occasion held at the local event.
The accused went, along with some close friends working to help them learn better.
It caused an uproar, as one of the accusers was there, and was shocked and hurt and upset. The organizer was completely disregarded, and the community is taking sides, boiling pitch, and sharpening pitchforks.
How Could This Have Been Avoided?
I’ve discussed this and talked it over with quite a few people. Here are my thoughts:
- The accused could have said to the uninvolved parties, “I prefer not to attend that event, because reasons, and I’ll be happy to get together with you privately to celebrate.”
- The accused could have publicly RSVP’d.
- The accused could have contacted the event organizer, and could have been told, “No, you are not yet welcome.”
- The accused could have contacted the event organizer, and could have been told, “Yes. Let me contact your accusers and tell them that for this event only, you will be attending for a special occasion, and they can choose to attend or not, as they choose, with foreknowledge.”
- The accused could have contacted their accusers, and explained, and organized directly (not my favorite idea, but better than nothing).
So, there were a number of things that could have reduced or avoided drama AND put everyone on the side of good ethical practices.
Now, I’m not saying that anyone is the monster here. It is a big shit storm that has caused drama, hurt and lots of frustration.
Perhaps this can help another situation from blowing up in the future.