People overthink dating. There. I said it.

People overthink dating. There. I said it.

Yes, picking the right partner is tough. I mean, out of SO MANY people in the world, the one right one (or the several right ones) can be difficult to find.

Like the proverbial needle in a haystack.

And a lot of people approach dating as if it were the relationship.

And it’s NOT.

Not at all.

Dating is dating. It’s the meeting-people-with-potential-and-getting-to-know-them-to-see-where (and if)-they-fit-into-your-life stage.

You don’t need to vet someone to the nth to meet them in a coffee shop, or plan to spend a few minutes chatting at an event.

It doesn’t have to be that complicated.

You can just MEET.

You know, like we used to—at the bookstore, the library, the park.

I mean, sure, connect online first (and use Dating Kinky, LOL!), bu then just get out and MEET people.

When I left my marriage, I spent about a year not really doing much of anything EXCEPT thinking (probably a bit of overthinking as well). I wanted to get my head on straight and move forward feeling free and clear.

And then, I moved forward with a vengeance, LOL!

I went on 127 first dates in the next year.

That year, I committed to going out with anyone who asked me out, if our schedules matched up.

(In fact, I kind of still do the same thing for kinky connections, but my schedule is a bit less flexible now.)

I asked myself when the date was offered:

“Is there anything about this person that frightens me or creeps me out?”

If the answer was “No,” I went out with them.

And I had quite a few great times. And a few REALLY scary experiences. And a lot of “don’t EVER do this on a date anecdotes—mine and theirs.”

Luckily, I met every single one in public and stayed in public for the entirety of that first date, and so even the scary stuff ended up never amounting to anything except lessons learned.

And you know what I really got from all of this?

I got my gut back.

I got my intuition back. I learned to trust me and my picker and to pick up on things in people who talked to me online, so I could avoid them.

And I learn that sometimes, I overthink things and miss out on some amazing experiences and learning opportunities.

So, now, I remind myself to let myself experience things, to let me gut lead me, and to trust myself more.

And just last night, on the spur of the moment, I met someone out, and we had a hilariously fun dinner. And he may just become a playmate.

What are your thoughts?

Do YOU have minimum standards to meet someone for a date or kinky connection?

Have you ever just gone with your gut on a whim, and had an amazing time?

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One Response

  1. I totally agree with this. Life shouldn’t always be about planning the next steps and evaluating whether this is going to lead to a long term relationship. Sometimes it’s just better to live in the moment and enjoy the fun of interacting with someone. Chatting, laughing, discussing, debating, enjoying their company. Kink and sex has a place, but having fun always comes first for me.
    Fet Name: LittleEagle

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