I know that people mean it as a compliment.

It’s not.

It’s also not a very good conversation starter.

Some people even take it negatively. As if you are questioning their choices to pass people by and remain on their own, instead of desperately grabbing at every opportunity presented.

And as someone who has spent a lot of time in the dating market and has worked with people of all genders who spend a lot of time dating, it can take time.

Time to find the RIGHT fit, not just A fit.

Some people will date a handful of people casually, until they find THE ONE.

Some will date one person, and stay on the lookout for something better.

Some will choose to save their energy and focus on themselves until the right person or people come along.

And so on.

There is no one right way.

And I get it. You’re AMAZED by this fascinating creature in front of you and stunned by your good luck, and all you can say is, “How are you still single?” When what you REALLY mean is, “How have I gotten so lucky to find such a gorgeous gem that is not already spoken for?”

That’s fair.

But instead of asking, “How are you still single?” try:

•
WOW! You’re a catch. I’m thrilled we’ve met!

•
I’m so glad you’re available. You’re an amazing person.

•
I’m so lucky to have met you.

•
I’m going to light a candle to the patron saint of good timing, to thank them for connecting me with you.

Or whatever.

But don’t try to compliment someone by questioning their life choices (even if you don’t mean it that way). You could raise your first red flag, when it’s totally unnecessary.