He said it with a mixture of curiosity and disbelief. I think I may have seen a little shudder, even. Revulsion?
This was a successful, charming, charismatic man, who travels the world with music, has women throwing themselves at him, and, for some reason, had found himself compelled to be in my presence.
We’d met at a jazz club. He was center stage, and my girlfriend and I really enjoyed his super-cool demeanor.
After the show, we’d had the chance to meet and greet with the orchestra, and connected. When he discovered we were planning to be in town for a few more days, he insisted we allow him to take us out on the town.
So, here we were, after a night of dining, laughter, and lots of talking on every topic from travel to politics to sexual energy and more, sitting in the hotel lobby, relaxing.
And he asks the question that I hear quite a lot.
And I reply.
“Well, I can only answer for myself and the people I’ve talked to, so don’t think this is necessarily universal. Also, I’m going at this from the point of view of having a dominant partner, not necessarily being a submissive.”
(He asked what the difference was, and I told him we’d discuss that later, because he’d understand better after my explanation, I hoped.)
“So, a dominant woman. What sets us apart? It’s hard to say, because dominance is a trait seen in so many different areas of life.
For me, I’ll say this. You get a woman like me. A woman who loves sex, and is not afraid to say so. To make it clear when I want it, and when I want you.
A woman who will tell you how to pleasure me best, and enjoy your exploration of my body.
But it’s more than that, of course. More than just sex.
It’s acceptance. I choose my partners carefully, and then I accept them. I love them. I tell them. Can you imagine feeling 100% accepted and appreciated for who you are, including your faults? By someone who you KNOW tells the truth about everything, because she believes that to do otherwise gives her power away?
It’s always knowing exactly where you stand, because by knowing her power, she also knows that speaking up is a part of making a good relationship and a part of communication.
But mostly, it’s being drawn to a person who knows their power, their sexuality, and what they want, and knowing you are one of the selective group of who they want.
And whether you play as a submissive, a primal, and equal, a bull-for-a-night, or anything else, you get all of that.”
He is definitely not submissive, it is understood.
But he was intrigued.
And then he said, “Well, how does a man become more dominant?”
And I laugh. Yes, I knew EXACTLY where this was going.
