Q. What Can We Expect From Our Lifestyle Leaders?

Q. What Can We Expect From Our Lifestyle Leaders?

Leaders do this: Lead by example. Not this: Leading by command.

A. Weaknesses, fuck-ups, stupidity (at least temporarily), inappropriate reactions, hypocrisy, and pretty much everything else associated with greater humanity.


Lifestyle leaders are human. Like any person is. Like any leader is—just look at those who lead our country.

Even the most successful people have fucked up, often in major ways. Have made mistakes, said non-PC things, and just generally been, at times, people you wouldn’t entrust a goldfish to.

And that’s OK.

It’s going to happen. We should expect it.

We should also be able to expect:

  • Recovery
  • Apologies (when necessary)
  • Growth
  • A solid sense of ethics that can be ascertained through consistent words and actions over the years
  • Communication, to and from—not only speaking, but listening
  • Authenticity

I am a lifestyle leader.

I know this because people follow me, and turn to me for help, and because I do my best to lead, in the most capable way I can.

I try to influence others towards acceptance and tolerance and love. I try to stop misinformation in it’s tracks and share the truth as I know it and have experienced it.

I try to always be learning, and researching. Not just in kink, but in everything, because who I am as a person affects who I am as a kinkster and who I am as a lifestyle leader.

I am not perfect.

(Yeah, yeah, I hear the collective, “Well, DUH!” LOL! I said that to show my own understanding, not that I thought y’all were under any illusions.)

I do not strive to be perfect, because I don’t believe that’s possible.

I do what I believe is RIGHT (not just right for me) as often as possible, and believe that the good I do FAR outweighs the harm. And when I harm, I do my best to fix it.

I’m also just me.

And, when it comes right down to it, lifestyle leader or not, I’m just me.

That’s all I can be. Nothing more and nothing less.

I write publicly when I think new thoughts, and change my mind. I write to explain when I’ve been wrong, and to apologize. And yes, I also write to clap back when people mischaracterize what I say in ways that might harm others, or make people feel less-than.

And that’s how I feel I lead best. I do everything in my power to be public about constantly improving and becoming better, to be the best me I can be, in kink as a dominant, lifestyle leader, educator, author and site developer, and as an individual with my own relationships, traumas, joys and pains.

No, I’m not upset. This writing is in response to something, but something that was commented to over 9 months ago, which I have processed over time and discussed with others. I’m not going anywhere. I’m writing this from my perspective, and in the hopes that it will give insight into many other imperfect leaders out there who fail and try and grow and service this community.

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