Someone commented on another writing about an experience she’d had with online dating where the men she met in person mentioned that she was better-looking than they thought she would be.
A bit of questioning got to the truth (at least in this case): That these men “down-graded” the pictures she’d put online because their experience with photos was that women put so much effort with makeup and angles filters into looking a particular way that they rarely lived up to the photo in real life.
So, she effectively lost a few “hotness” points automatically.
And I get it. I do. I’ve seen those photos. Some are pretty obvious. Maybe to me, or to other women, but not to some, I’d guess.
Some are WAY LESS obvious. Sneaky, even.
So, one burned, twice shy makes total sense in the days where every camera has the ability to do in a few moments what it use to take professional photographer with $10k in equipment and software a few hours or even days.
Learning this was new to me, so I took to the virtual streets, and asked some of my social media followers if they had ever assumed that someone didn’t look like their photos, because their photos looked “too good,” or just because “no one looks like their photos anymore,” and the answer was a resounding “YES!”
And LOTS of examples why.
So, now we know that there is a problem.
People—probably mostly women but let’s keep this more general—are going to be downgraded on photos that look “too good,” because we all now know the magic of filtering software.
Knowing that is half the battle, but certainly not the whole battle. Because most people online want to be perceived as they are (or better), not with a greater handicap!
So what do we do?
Well, I have a solution that works well for me.
I show a wide variety of photos of me in a lot of different situations:
- DRESSED (like with makeup ready for a date)
- In costume (to show that I like to have fun and dress up once in a while)
- On a normal day, just feeling happy
- Traveling (looking pretty practical, but in an exotic location)
- Hiking/backpacking (with no makeup, and probably sweating, with mussed hair)
This shows in pictures (worth 1000 words!) more of who I am, what I like to do, and what I actually look like.
My thought is that they can use all of those snapshots to create an average and “see me” as more than just a filtered 2021 “glamor shot.”
As a person who will look dozens of different ways, depending on my surroundings and circumstances.
And while some people might pass me by for not looking what they would consider my best in every single photo, the ones who appreciate that I can enjoy the trail without makeup and take picture unselfconsciously in every situation will want to know more.
Of course, those people will also hopefully see me dressed in costume, and think that it might be fun to dress with me.
And they’ll see me dressed to the nines and want to take me out, to get an eyeful of that in person.
And so on.
I’d recommend the same. Not necessarily costumes and hiking or whatnot.
But YOU, in different levels of “dress” and “made up,” doing things you love, things that you’d want a potential partner to appreciate about you.
Maybe you in rope, with a red but, at a kinky costume party, curled up with a favorite book, with a sketch of your favorite D&D character, meeting David Tennant at a Who con…