Experience and fantasy are not the same.

Experience and fantasy are not the same.

In fact, they are often wildly different.

This is true in kink, in nonmonogamy—in anything you might get revved up about.

Which, I’m pretty sure you know, if you stop to think about it.

And yet, it’s always worth saying. Especially to a group of eager kinky newbies, wanting to try ALL THE THINGS.

Because just because you’ve dreamed of sharing group intimacy with a lover doesn’t mean that when it happens, your fears and jealousies won’t com crashing down around your head.

And just because you’ve been using a hard spanking as wank/DJ fodder for years doesn’t mean you’ll actually LIKE it when you get it.

And you may.

It may be beyond your wildest fantasies.

But you just can’t tell, sometimes.

And that’s why QPDoll, or host for Newbies Night, said, “Experiencing the thing is different than masturbating at the thought of the thing.”

Because with newbies, it’s often a case of fantasies-stronger-than-flesh or sexier-than-life, or whatever.

And simply being able to recognize that and say during negotiations, “Hey, I’m really excited/turned on by this thing and I’ve never done it, so if we can go slow and check in regularly, that would be great,” can go a LONG way to making the newbie experience more enjoyable.

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