A common conversation:
They say:
Something, something, kink, something, blah blah blah, [insert porn ideology here].
I reply:
“That’s all fantasy. Reality is a different world.”
They return:
Well, reality is overrated.
This is where they always lose me.
Reality is my homey. You dis reality, you dis me.
I’m all about the real.
In fact, I don’t even “fantasize” in the normal ways, because when I have fantasies, I generally pursue them and realize them, and know that fantasy cannot (for me) ever beat the feel of flesh on flesh, the scent of another body, then sounds of grunts and words, the tastes of sweat and saliva, the sights, even of blackness when blindfolded.
To me, fantasy is the bit that’s overrated.
I mean, it’s fun. I don’t knock it. I read fantasy and fiction. It’s entertaining. It’s inspiring. I credit books with shaping my life in many ways.
As Jimmy so wisely said:
“Read dozens of books about heroes and crooks,
And I learned much from both of their styles.”
Sharing fantasies with Pet has allowed me to get to know his deeper self much more effectively (I believe) than trying to dig out and discover things as I went, or as they came up in conversation.
Even online porn and memes, which often represent the most extreme edges of la-la land and unrealistic ideations of what a specific kink might represent has it’s uses when made into a tool for talking about concepts that we may not yet have had our own words for.
But for us, while the fantasy is useful and hot, nothing beats actually doing things together. Even when they are not as extreme, perhaps, they still have US. Our connection. Our real senses of touch and taste and hearing. And they fit into our real lives as well.
And I’ve seen fantasy become a jail for many. An addiction.
Those who fall willingly down the rabbit hole of extreme ideas and fetishes, who never even experienced the first level in real life, so they are constantly chasing the utmost in kinky/fetish play, when they have yet to find a partner who will even start at the basics with them.
And so, they thirst.
And thirst.
And become (and behave) THIRSTY.
And people turn away, because those who look for these things in reality know the unrealistic fantasy when they see it. And know the addiction.
In my view, fantasy can be an amazing tool for communication and inspiration in a relationship.
If it’s never backed up by or partnered with reality, though, for me, it loses it’s appeal and fast.
What do you think?
What is amazing about fantasy? What is good? How has it helped you in your exploration of kink or your relationships?
What is not so healthy about fantasy? Have you seen it in a negative light before?
And reality. What do you LOVE about reality? What frustrates you about it, or when does reality feel like a let-down?
