“Hi There! My name is Dug. I have just met you and I love you.”

“Hi There! My name is Dug. I have just met you and I love you.”

“What is, ‘Hi, can we be friends?'”
“What is, ‘Hi, could I be your slave?'”
“What is, ‘Hello, do you need someone to worship you?'”
“What is, ‘I will lick you head to toe.'”

“I’ll take ‘Things only dogs can successfully say to strangers,’ for 500, Alex.”

(Prefer to listen to the podcast? https://datingkinky.com/pod/hi-there)

It’s another case of I’m-online-and-I-can-do-ANYTHIIIIING-itis. Where somehow, moving to the internet space drains the thinky parts from the head, puts firecrackers in their place, and makes people run around sending friend requests to people they have never met (often without even a message), saying grotesque things on photos about what they would do to you, making sexualized comments in webinars, and offering their entire body (even non-consensually!) to people they have never spoken to before.

And out of all of these things? Three of the four have happened in the last 24 hours to me. A few more than once.

The webinar thing, no.

I haven’t run a webinar in the past 24 hours. But I’m teaching a free one tonight about nonmonogamy (and you’re welcome to join us!), and it’s entirely possible.

Luckily, that is usually squashed by my amazing mods and community fairly quickly.

I’m not complaining.

People like to suggest that pointing stuff like this out (especially as a woman), is a complaint.

It’s not.

At least not from me.

I’m OK with it, because it’s part of what I have to deal with to keep myself open and available for THE RIGHT people to connect with me.

It is, however, worth considering, if you’ve ever done any of those things.

In Dating Kinky’s Newbies Nights, I suggest that if you wouldn’t do XYZ to a stranger in a local coffee shop, then it’s probably not ideal for a first message online.

You (probably) wouldn’t do those things in that scenario.

I hope you wouldn’t.

So, perhaps try being a bit more “offline you” even when online. It’s bound to be a bit more successful, and at the very least will squick people out less.


What are your thoughts?

Let’s have some fun with this! What messages (it’s OK to paraphrase) have you gotten online that a friendly dog could get away with, but that humans should most definitely avoid?


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