Belief Is NOT Everything. But It Is A Lot.

Belief Is NOT Everything. But It Is A Lot.

This writing is now available as a podcast episode!

I’d like to tell you a story of a woman I know.

Shelly (not her real name) has two coworkers, both women, 50 and 51, respectively. Shelly turns 50 in a couple of months.

One day, the three of them were out to lunch, and the conversation turned to their personal lives and relationships, as these things sometimes do, with details about their spouses (all are married to men) and love lives.

Afterwards, Shelly told me that her coworkers spent a good 20 minutes telling her that there must be something wrong with her and her husband.


Because they “act like they are in love, or something.”

They explained in smug detail that they knew this because they had already turned 50, and there was no sex or romance needed in their marriages, that they and their partners had agreed that they were “too old for that nonsense” years ago (the impression was that they had done this WAY before 50).

Shelly was a bit puzzled not only by their choices for themselves, but why they thought they needed to convince her that her life as she was living it was so obviously wrong.

She told them that she didn’t believe that there was a natural end to sex or to romance, and that she had an amazing, wonderful, loving, and intimate relationship with her husband. That he had only grown in the ability to please her, and she couldn’t be more happy.

Her coworkers openly doubted her. they continued trying to convince her that it’s not normal, and that she needed to start preparing for her intimacy to end.


These women have just given up. Why, I don’t know. They never gave Shelly the impression that they didn’t enjoy sex, just that they didn’t think they could have it any more at their age.

Oh, and that they have also talked quite a bit about watching out for symptoms of illnesses they are now more at risk for “at this age,” but never talking about what they do to keep themselves healthy.

Maybe they gave in to inertia.

Maybe their husbands stopped doing it for them.

Maybe they caved to social pressure to slow down and act their age.

Who knows?

Shelly, however, is not that woman. She’s active and engaged with life. Her husband gives her crazy screaming orgasms and has her squirting like a champ regularly.

(I’ll take a bow here, since they attended one of my orgasms classes a few years back and learned some of those tricks.)

Her husband is 6 years her senior, and still youthful and active and sexy AF. And enjoys a high sex drive. AND, he woos Shelly regularly, taking her on dates, buying her small tokens, and sending her sweet—and really sexy, sometimes raunchy—texts through the days.

They both believe that sex can and will be enjoyed for as long as they’re together.

But they are exceptions, right?

Our bodies DO change as we age, after all.

Well, yeah.

Physical change is a thing, for sure.

However, there have been several studies (one done by Langer in 1979) that set older people into a “retro” atmosphere, where they were immersed in the sights and sounds of their youth for a period of time.

They saw things from their youth, listened to music from their youth, and spoke of “current events” from their youth.

And they got younger!

Not actually younger, of course.

But physiologically younger.

Their memory, vision, hearing, and even physical strength had improved. Before and after photos showed people that looked younger AFTER.

Which just goes to show that what we believe (even when it’s false) has a hugely powerful impact, not only on our minds, but also on our physical capabilities.

So what? After all, I believe what I’ve experienced.

Sure you do. I do, too.

There is something else, though. We can believe what OTHERS have experienced, if we choose.

Like just now.

You can read what I’ve shared with you, and do your own research, and see the possibilities for yourself.

You can choose to believe that while you will age, perhaps you no longer need to “get old,” with all that means in society.

Or, it could be something else.

You could believe that you could take up running again and run a 7-minute mile (or a full 25 minutes without resting for the first time since my accident, like I did).

Or you could get good at Sudoku (or just not avoid it like the plague).

Of you could write a book (or set a goal of 12 books in 12 months for 2020).

Or whatever.

Because if you can find someone doing something, you could find a belief that you could do it, too. Or at least do it better than you’re doing it now.

Belief is NOT everything, though.

Like I said, we do age. There is not (yet) a way to stop that.

More, I doubt no matter how hard I believe, that I will ever be a super model. I was not born with the genetics for it, nor am I willing to put in the grueling work it would take to whip me into the right physical form.

I will never even try to run a 4-minute mile. I will shoot for an 8-minute mile, though. I can do that.

I cannot will myself to 5’10”. I won’t ever be an astrophysicist.

And I’m ok with all that.

I do believe that my love life will continue to improve through the rest of my 40s and 50s. I believe that there will be hiccups and that I and my partners will handle them gracefully and with love for each other.

And more.

And wherever you are, in your kink, in your love, in your life, there could be more or better available if you just believe.

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