I saw this meme on social media. It said:
“Be a little more you, and a lot less them.”
Which I liked, but it feels weirdly accusatory and gross and not quite accurate.
Because I think most of us don’t every try to be someone else, but what we think we are supposed to be…whatever that is.
And in kink and alternative lifestyles, that’s an easy trap to fall into.
Because, after all, we look up to people doing it well and writing about it, podcasting about it, filming it…
And we think, “Ah ha! THAT’S how _ is done.”
That’s how they do _.
Now, I spend a lot of time on self-reflection and examination, and authenticity, and I still found myself feeling a bit…wrong in how I did “polyamory.”
Because I wasn’t feeling the same sort of things others constantly described. Like getting NRE for new partners.
I have had NRE.
But I don’t get it with new partners, because I’ve realized I’m polyamorous, meaning I can love and bond lovingly with multiple people, but I’m monoromatic, and I only get NRE/twitterpated/silly-googfy-lovey-dovey with one person at a time.
If that slot is filled, it just doesn’t happen to me with others.
Because my brain just doesn’t work that way.
And you know what?
I don’t experience polyamory the way others experience it. My polyamory is mine, and it’s deep and it’s loving, and it’s valid just the way it is.
And once I realized that, a weight I didn’t even consciously realize I was carrying was lifted off my shoulders.
But it’s not just with nonmonogamy stuff. It’s prevalent in kink. A few examples:
- Woman dominants are supposed to be bitchy.
- Submissives are doormats.
- Brats are bad submissives.
- Dominants are stoic.
- Puppies are playful.
- Littles are (or are not) sexual.
And the list goes on and on.
It’s human nature to want to fit in or be well-liked, and that might seem like it means doing things “the right way,” but let me tell you:
Life is so much more wonderful when you search for and find YOUR WAY. And the people who want to do your way with their way, and create an our way.
What could you be more okay with doing that is not like how others do __?