“I’m so empathic!” (Says the manipulative bully…)

“I’m so empathic!” (Says the manipulative bully…)

I’ll start off by saying not all empathic people are bullies.

They aren’t all kind and sweet, either.

It’s not enough to be able to understand other people’s feelings.

You have to also believe that their feelings matter.

And the opposite is true.

Not all those lacking natural empathy (or those with Empathy Deficit Disorder) are bad people: narcissists, sociopaths, psychopath, etc.

Some are simply…adrift. Cut off. Not really bad, but also lacking what it might seem like they need to be really GOOD. Because they can’t connect the way that people usually do.

And some, like me (I was diagnosed with ASPD over a decade ago, although I wonder if EDD might have been more accurate, but it’s not in the DSM-V), go out of their way to care about other people, and learn about how they might think and feel, to make up for their lack.

Here’s the thing:

I’ve known a lot of people who claimed to be able to feel what others feel. And just like any other group of people, some were good, some were average, and some were bad.

The ones that were bad, though?

They were REALLY bad.

Manipulative.

Mean.

And could really target their bullying to JUST the right spots.

Because they intuitively knew how others felt and where it would hurt them most.

I’m not pointing fingers. Hell, I know who I have been in my life has ranged from super-shitty to pretty awesome, and it ebbs and flows from day to day.

I’m just pointing out that just because you can know how someone feels doesn’t make you good, if you use that to manipulate or belittle them.

And that the most brilliant bullies are often people who know how others feel.

And in some cases, it’s because they have been bullied themselves.

So they know EXACTLY how it feels.

And yet, so many do it anyway.

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