It SUCKS. Big time.

Just like that, snaps you’ve lost data. And most of the time, you don’t even know exactly what data you’ve lost.

And even years later, you’ll probably remember that crash and the data you lost, and mourn it.

Because it’s fucking traumatic.

(Says the woman who back up in triplicate for a reason.)

You know what is like having a hard drive crash, but even worse? Losing a long-term partner.

Because you not only lose that love and companionship and friendship and all the expected stuff, but according to research from Macquarie University in Australia, long term couples share memories.

Not as in, they have the same memories, although often we do, but actually split up certain types of memory between the partners based on who is better at what.

For example, one partner may be better at remembering names, and the other dates, and so on. And note this:

Interestingly, older adults experienced the greatest memory difficulties with first-hand autobiographical information — and this is exactly where long-term couples gained the biggest benefit from remembering together. So, as we grow older, we offset our unreliable episodic systems by drawing on the support offered by a partner — a shared resource.

I interpret this to mean that we actually remember LESS of ourselves when we lose a long-term partner. Because they were there to fill in the blanks and give us perspective.

Wow. So, if we split up or one of us dies, the other is missing their external hard drive. And in the case of relationships where boundaries are not maintained well, it is even harder.

Because IMO boundaries are the line between where I am and where YOU are. What is supposed to be kept on my computer, what is on their computer, and which are our shared external files.

(Was this shared photo saved on my computer? Or did you take that on your phone? Did I back it up?)

If that is fuzzy or indistinct or disorganized, for many (especially submissive types), that is going to cause a lot of angst and hurt while trying to separate the pieces and find out what they still have.

And they may be finding blank spots in their memories and sense of self for potentially years to come.

What are your thoughts?

Be honest, were the computer analogies a bit much? LOL!

Seriously, though, have you experienced this? How long did it take you to feel like you weren’t missing important bits of yourself? Or do you still feel that way?

Do you believe the only solution is time, or are their other ways to recover and rewrite some of that data?

Source: https://gizmodo.com/long-term-couples-develop-interconnected-memory-systems-1613429103