Let’s Debate: Is This OK?

Let’s Debate: Is This OK?


I read this article A few months ago:

8 Lies I Tell My Husband (That Actually Make Our Marriage Stronger): Sometimes lying is far kinder than telling the absolute truth.

I also read the comments that went with it in the post I saw on FB, and they were sharply divided on whether or not she was doing the right thing.

If you don’t feel like reading the whole article, she justified the following lies:

1. “The sex was mind-blowing.”

It’s a “lie back and leave him to it” sort of situation… Marital harmony is worth a few white lies about his sexual prowess.

2. “No, you haven’t gained weight.”

…he seeks constant reassurance from me that he is not overweight. He is! It’s obvious he is. But it spares his feelings when I tell him he isn’t overweight at all, and that’s the important thing.

3. “I still think you’re hot.”

So, of course, I tell him I still think he’s God’s gift to women. It’d be cruel to shatter his illusions.

4. “I loved the gift you gave me.”

I can’t remember a single gift that has not been disappointingly sh*tty. It’s baffling to me that after having been married for so long he still doesn’t know my tastes at all.

5. “I don’t mind you going out with friends.”

Of course I mind! My life would be so much easier if he could stay home to help with the kids. My morning would be a thousand times more pleasant if I did not have to deal with the hangover monster from hell.

6. “No, those clothes are old, not new.”

If I tell him really how much I spent on that stuff (and that other stuff the other day), he’d be annoyed at me, it would cause an argument, and for the sake of our marriage, I’d rather bend the truth a little.

7. “I love your cooking.”

No I don’t, it tastes like crap. My food tastes (and looks) so much better.

8. “I am all for your new job.”

It will just take some adjusting for all of us, but I can spend the extra money on more stuff.

When I read it, it made me physically ill. Like a horrible queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was irrationally enraged at her for doing what I consider a disservice to her relationship.

I put it in my calendar, and forgot about it until this morning.

And now that I’m reading it again, it has the same effect on me. And I remember how many people were saying that she is in the right. She has enough to do and worry about as a housewife that she should not have to “handle” his upset and the arguments that might come of such little white lies.

Believe me, I know what it’s like to lie.

I lied to my ex-husband a lot by the end of our relationship. I did it to avoid his blow-ups, his emotional abuse, to get on with my day, to get work done in peace, to have my time…

I did it from instinct.

And when I thought about it, after our marriage was over, I realized that not only did I cripple our relationship that way, but I also prolonged an even bigger lie, and kept a failing relationship together to cause even more hurt.

What are your thoughts?

Let me ask you this: If your spouse lied to you in these “little ways,” would that be OK to you?

Do you want to be told you are awesome in bed when you are not? Or that you are still attractive to your mate when you are not? Or that they are saving your mutual money, instead of spending it on clothing?

How would that make you feel?

In light of this, when is it OK to lie in a relationship, according to you?

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