I am loved. By many.

Not loved or even disliked by many as well, but that doesn’t really matter much to me.

I am blessed. Or lucky. Or valuable enough. Or whatever it takes for me to receive an abundance of love. And whatever it is, I’m glad of it.

There was a time when I was not living in an abundance of love.

And it sucked.

I didn’t know it sucked. Or I didn’t know why it sucked, since I’d always been a bit of a loner, thanks to my ASPD. But I knew something was missing. I just didn’t have the skills to know exactly what that was.

And I did not feel loved, at least by my then-husband, the primary person in my life.

When we finally split up, and people asked me what happened, I said, “He didn’t love me as much as he loved to drink.”

I was wrong.

Not wrong on whether he loved me or not. I don’t really know how much he loved me then—the communication was broken, the addiction and manipulation and theft all got in the way of whatever we had.

I was wrong to judge his love for me.

People who love show and don’t show their love in many different ways. And their love can be blocked or hidden from expression by factors beyond their control, like alcoholism, mental illness, insecurity…

I don’t judge how another loves me. I do judge how I am shown.

It’s not whether you love/like me or not. It’s how you show me that you do.

It’s not whether I love/like you or not. It’s whether you FEEL that from me.

And so, again, it all boils down to communication. Can I transmit my feeling for you, to you? Can I make sure you understand? Can I do it in a way that you feel the maximum effect?

Right now, I feel love from many people in my life. And I’m thankful for that. I hope they, in turn, feel the same from me, in whatever capacity we connect.

Image by Gellinger on Pixabay