Last week, I wrote, “Let dating become the place you use to unwind, to enjoy the quirks and company of others who share your life (for however long),” as part of some dating advice. I also said, “I will go out with ANYONE who asks me out, as long as they don’t make me uncomfortable.”

Today, I’d like to expand on those two thoughts and go deeper into the idea that dating (life, actually) is less about trying to control everything (the outcome, the experience, the feelings), and more about being open to what happens and working with it.

A while back, I asked, “Do you want a poly life where you cannot just do what you want?” and caused a bit of hubbub.

I was told that relationships don’t work that way, can’t work that way, and to even suggest it is abusive and cruel and WRONG.

I disagree.

In fact, that’s exactly what I’m talking about today.

What if…instead of trying to mold and control your relationships, you just let them do what they wanna?

And then you’d see what they wanna?

I’ll tell you, it’s pretty damn easy.

And for me, it’s been a critical piece of cocreating sustainable relationships with people and reduces friction and drama.

Instead of finding someone and trying to force them into doing things your way (or the “right way”), why not just let go of the people who are not already in agreement with you regarding how to relationship?

If you don’t match on ethics, values, and intentions, it’ll be easier to spot when you don’t try to make them do things a particular way.

And if you DO match, well, it’ll also be easier to spot.

What are your thoughts?

Do you want a relationship where you can just do what you want? Do you want a partner who wants to do the same (or enough of the same) that you do, or someone with whom it will be a constant struggle?

And the bigger question: Do you trust yourself enough to allow that kind of thinking into your life and possibilities?