How can you love someone and not love that they love [fill in the blank]?
I really don’t get it.
Because, to me, part of loving someone is getting Uber-geeked about the things they love.
Not that I love those things myself.
I’m no fucking saint.
But I love that they love them, and I love supporting them loving them, and participating in their love for them when I can.
There’s a screenshot going around that illustrates this:
the saddest sight in the world is a married couple at a musical and the wife is super excited and happy and the husband looks like he was dragged along and he’s making a big deal about how much he doesn’t want to be there and the wife gets embarrassed or ashamed. this isn’t a funny post, it’s actually heartbreaking and i see it happen at like every other musical i attend.
Yeah, as an usher what makes me sad is when I see wives clearly dressed in their Sunday best, beaming and buying merch and smiling at me as I hand them a program, toting some guy dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt who declines a program. And that’s at least a quarter of the couples who come in or more. Like come on man, she really loves this stuff, can’t you try to enjoy it for her at least?
About as bad as when you see a big-eyed kid who looks like this is the greatest day of their life, all excited to see this show, and their parent/grandparent/aunt/Cousin/Friend/whoever they convinced to take them keeps making fun of them and saying how dumb or ridiculous they’re being. For Gods sake, this is a person you care about and this is a thing that means a lot to them. Smile, get off your phone, and be happy for them.
This goes for ANY loved ones’ interests. Doesn’t matter the interest, doesn’t matter the loved one. Example: my hubby loves airplanes. He works in the aviation industry. He basically has avgas flowing in his veins. No matter where we go on trips, he’ll find an aviation musuem. I don’t mind aircraft museums, but he will literally stop and take photos of rivets. Seriously. One time I was with him at the National Air and Space Museum and I had my nice DSLR camera and he asked if I could take some photos of the seams of the SR71 with “your good camera,” and you know what? It wasn’t my favorite subject to photograph, but I gladly did it because it made him happy.
BTW, we’ve been doing this for the 30+ years we’ve been together. He comes with me to symphonies and art galleries and lets me have the remote during hockey season to the point where he’s now a fan. I know he’s daydreaming about airplane engines a majority of the time, but he’s there and trying and I love that about him.
So yeah, be present for your favorite people and make an effort. It will pay joyful lifelong dividends you can’t begin to imagine.
My mom and I love museums…my dad never complains when we visit one. My mom loves Downtown Abby, I can’t stand it so I never watch with her but my dad does. I send her pirate links to similar shows. My dad builds guitars. My mom planned a stop on their last road trip specifically so he could get some rare wood and I never complain when he interrupts my homework, movie, sewing, etc. To show me the progress on his latest project.
No one in my family really shares interests but we share time and experiences and care and that’s the really important thing.
My Pet loves cycling. Road biking, mountain biking.
I’ve got a bike, and can ride it. LOL!
His love means Tour de France is only nearly every day of July. It means 3-4 days a week of him going out on his bikes. It means weekends where he goes away with friends to ride. It means we look for riding opportunities when we plan trips. It means there is cycling clothing perpetually draped over everything drying after a wash, because it can’t (heaven forbid!) go in the dryer. It means that sometimes I grab his butt, and it feels like I’m grabbing a diaper. It means that there is cycling art, cycling napkins, and cycling magazines all over.
And I love his love for cycling. I watch the Tour with him, and I’ve learned about many of the riders, and that cycling, far from being a bit of a wimpy spot, is dangerous AF and requires deep understanding on both strategy and tactics. I buy him cool cycling things. And I “give up” parts of out getaway to him riding.
This weekend, he’s riding in the mountains. I’m hiking. We’ll come together after for food and companionship.
How could I not love him for his passion?
How could I not—at least a little—love his passion, as I see it through his eyes?
I just don’t get it.
And he does the same for me. He bought us tickets to see Weird Al for my birthday a few years ago, because I’m a dork and he loves me, even though he doesn’t get that Weird Al is a musical genius. My goofy grin made him laugh.
He offered to buy me a t-shirt, too. Despite that it probably made him cringe inside to do so. I declined. I’m not a concert tee kind of girl.
This applies to other things as well:
- The IPAs he drinks.
- His ever-growing shoe collection (which I get, at least, LOL!).
- His fascination with war machines and war movies.
- His play partners.
- Some of his kinks.
- Radishes (ewwwww!).
And so on. I don’t have to like everything he likes. I don’t even try.
I will, always try to see what he likes through his eyes, and help him live his best life through pursuit of HIS happiness, because I require the same from him.
(Even when sometimes helping me live my best life is simply sending me off with friends to do something he REALLY doesn’t love, but loves me and appreciates that I love that thing.)
I don’t get how I could love him and be any other way.
I don’t get how anyone could really love someone else and not want them to feel fulfilled and happy and support their interests.
What are your thoughts?
Can you love that your partner loves things, even when you don’t love the things themselves? Do you support them in their passions?
Turning it around, are you supported in your passions? Do you require that in your relationships?