Won’t someone think about the guys?!? 😩😩😩
“For less that five minutes a day, you too can help stop the inhumane neglect of men on internet dating sites…”
Sorry. I’m being a bit snarky.
(Prefer to listen to the podcast? https://datingkinky.com/pod/the-guys )
Overall, I do feel bad from men who find themselves sending messages and not receiving any replies. I really do. I mean, it’s pretty shitty to feel rejected like that. I know this, because I’ve also felt rejection in my life. I’ve also sent messages that have not been even acknowledged. And I’ve felt the sting.
Someone said to me in a conversation:
Many guys that are respectful and polite never receive a reply, or even a polite no thanks. There isn’t ever much said about that….
I call bullshit.
There is a TON said about it. And here, just for you, I’m saying it again.
To be fair, it’s mostly said by the guys whining about sending HUNDREDS or messages and not getting a response. I know I hear it over and over and over again, like I can do something about it.
“Hey ladies, cut the guys some slack, yeah?”
There. I’m sure everything will change now.
Thing is, you gents don’t always want to reply to everyone either.
Sure, your DMs might be sparkling clean, but have you replied to every email you receive, even from those who are writing to get you to try their new “smooth balls” kit or their super-car-shine kit, or whatever?
“Because I’m not interested in those offers and I didn’t ask for them.”
“But it’s different.”
“Well, they’re trying to sell me something. And I’m a human.”
I don’t really see the difference. You’re trying to sell yourself or sell me on whatever you want me to do to/with you. And frankly, I didn’t ask specifically for you to contact me with your offer any more than I did Time-Life DVD club.
I’m better than most.
I do generally try to respond to everyone. But that doesn’t mean I can do it all in a timely fashion. Right now, I have an inbox with 457 outstanding messages on FetLife alone, and that’s WITH answering upwards of 50 messages a day. Some fall through the cracks, some are from people I don’t know, or from dick pictures, or from bent-over-gaping-buttholes, or whatever. Some I just haven’t gotten to, or got distracted when I was about to reply.
Hell, a couple of months ago I sent an FB message to someone I really liked and DID KNOW on another platform, asking after friendship. No reply. Active AF on FB. TWO DAYS AGO, they sent a friend request.
I’m guessing it’s partly because I didn’t send a second message calling them names for not immediately being at my beck and call and doing what I wanted…
Frankly, I’m sick of getting those messages and multiple increasingly-nasty follow-ups as quickly as 2 hours later when they are throwing fits because I didn’t answer them immediately or rush to beg for their love stick, or whatever.
On the other hand, it removes them from my “to reply to” list.
It’s like the trash takes itself out.
Like when I’m offline for 2 days, and they’ve already gotten booted.
Or when I’ve been traveling internationally for a few weeks, and they get nasty at me when I do reply. Easy decision.
When it comes down to it, the simple answer is this:
NO ONE OWES ANYONE A REPLY. PERIOD.
And if you want a reply from me, you’ll send a message and be patient.
If you want more than a reply, something engaging, you’ll send an interesting message that actually speaks to me as a person, and then you’ll be patient.
I do see you, guys.
I do know your pain.
And I feel for you.
And there is literally NOTHING anyone can do for you. You can only do for yourself:
- Send the BEST messages you can. Not “wyd,” “hey, Boo,” or “wanna suck me?”
- Know that whoever is getting your message may be offline, traveling, in a relationship, taking a break from DMs, overwhelmed, whatever.
- Realize that your message is a gift not a loan, and they don’t OWE you.
- Be happy when you get a reply back.
- NEVER, under any circumstances, send a nasty note about how long it takes to get a reply or being snarky about not getting one. EVER.
What are your thoughts?
Which side of the message-into-black-hole experience have you been on (for me, it’s both)?
Have you ever sent a bitchy message when you didn’t get a reply (be honest, LOL! I have)?