So, I wrote yesterday (I’m trying to write everyday for a while) about pussy privilege, and how I understand it, and the parts of my personal ethic that I have created as a result.

Today, I’d like to discuss some of the things I did not say yesterday. The things that go along with that privilege.

I wrote about privilege first, because thoughts of it affect me more, so please don’t think I’m whining. I’m not. This writing is more to balance things out and give another perspective than anything.

Let’s look at a few of the privileges I wrote about, and their flip sides:

Men want me more than I want them.

And as a result, I have been stalked several times in my life, even to the point of being creeped-the-fuck-out. “No” does not work. Nor does calling the police, because simply being somewhere at the same time as someone else is not a crime.

I’m very lucky. None of it ever led to anything beyond following and some trash-talking.

I can put up a profile on dating sites, and not contact a single person, while receiving 10-100 messages per day.

This is complex. I mean, all I have to do is answer, right? Seems easy. Well… Here are two things about this:

1. Sure, I get first right of refusal in writing. But, really, the men are picking exactly who they want to write to.

MAN SAYS
Women have all the power. They don’t even bother responding to the messages I send, which is rude, so I don’t even bother crafting a nice message anymore.

I REPLY
So, you go through all the profiles you can see, and choose who to write to, based on photos and sometimes reading the profile text. You don’t write to every single profile. You choose who to write to.

How is it different for women who receive 100 messages? They simply choose who to respond to, based on what you have to say and your profile.

2. And even responding, as I do EVERY TIME, I’m taking a chance I’ll get some nastiness back. Don’t know what I mean? Well, I wrote about it here, here, here, here, and here, and that’s just small bits…

Now, I can handle that, and actually enjoy it. The psychology of it all, and so on. Many women don’t enjoy it. They don’t enjoy it at all. So, they just don’t respond, thinking that a non-response is a response, and hoping to avoid the vitriol that men, for whatever reason, seem to feel is appropriate when they are turned down.

Same in public. I’m approached by men 30x more often than I approach.

And I like it. Really. It’s flattering, especially as I’m about to turn ahem 42 ahem that many people find me attractive.

That said, it’s only so flattering. After all, few of the men approaching me this way are my type, as very few men overall are my type, so I do have to demur, turn them down, whatever, which can, sometimes, lead to stalking and verbal harassment.

And this is something that women know every instance of flattery. That it may turn bad.

I’ve never been raped, although it’s been attempted twice. That’s a solid part of being a woman. Either experiencing it or knowing that it could happen. Yes, I know men are raped. For most men, it is not a part of their standard fear set until it happens. It is for women. Part of culture.

As a female, I am held (by others) to lower standards of consent.

And the problem with this is that it could make me an asshole, without my even knowing it. I know women who take their privilege in this area way too far. One of the rare times I’ve bottomed, my consent was broken, and it still bothers me, because that person should have known better. And everyone around thought that I was joking in yelling out safewords, because all the ladies were laughing…

And I don’t want to be that asshole. On purpose, or by mistake.

Yes, I have pussy privilege.

I also have all of these things, plus: monthly mood swings, the ability to get accidentally pregnant, a 38% higher chance of catching something from a man than he would have catching exactly the same thing from me, cramps, cultural sexual objectification, and more.

And I’m OK with that.

I choose to recognize what I have that adds to my life (privilege) and understand that the rest is just part and parcel of living.

However, for those of you on the outside looking in, perhaps take a moment to think about what you have that gives you privilege, and try to understand how others experience things.