We are never ready.

We are never ready.

We are never “ready” for all that we do. We might be prepared, but ready?


Take kids for example. We might read up. Know intellectually what might happen. Have training and thoughts about everything.

And then, it happens. And 18 nights in a row of interrupted sleep smacks us down and shows us that we HAD NO IDEA.

Because we could not fathom without experience.

I’m going through the same thing working on my project, Dating Kinky. I’ve done some form of development since 1996. And yet, I have not done THIS.

And I keep tripping myself up, making huge mistakes, and learning as I go.

AND that’s OK. I’m enjoying the challenge, and I’m building something amazing.

Our brains are so wonderful.

Even when we have experience that could inform us, it’s often incomplete.

We “remember” that experience later in an abstract.

“That was rough!”

But we don’t FEEL the roughness in the same way, so we aren’t debilitated by memory.

Relationships are the same.

Even those of us who have been through these crazy-hurty-WTF relationship oopsies are surprised when shit goes wrong.

Because we don’t fully remember how horrible it was to be in the middle of it. We just remember now that we made it through whole, and it’s surprising again the heartwrenching nature of our lover’s quarrels.

It seems like every single one is a new surprise.

Even as we know we’ll get through this like we have all the others, a voice is whispering, “But this FUCKING HURTS, and this time this is happening, and last time, we had this going for us, and, and, and…what if we don’t?”

Which hurts us even more in that moment.

I don’t have any answers for this.

I don’t have any wise words or interesting solutions. This is more just a musing today. Musing that I’m sharing with you. Offering to you.

Maybe looking for some feedback or some thoughts or something. That connects as humans through all the things we are absolutely, positively, not ready for.

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Dating Kinky is built by kinksters for kinksters, poly, queer, trans folk, and anyone not-quite-vanilla. We love, accept, represent, and fight for all. Happy commercialism

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