One More Time

One More Time

For me it wasn’t disinterest. It was an active and systematic (although possibly not intentional) verbal dismantling of my hopes and dreams by someone who was deeply insecure and troubled.

But I loved him.

And he said he loved me. So of course he wouldn’t lie, right? He would only say what he thought would help me. And he would not be wrong, because he was my soul mate and knew me better than anyone…

So, the problem MUST be me.

And my unrealistic expectations. And my requests for more or better, or even, sometimes, just DIFFERENT.

Because anything he felt like he could not live up to or anything that he didn’t want to do, well, I had NO RIGHT to ask for, and on top of that, NO ONE would, except me, which only proved how broken my brain was.

At least, though, AT LEAST, there was investment. It wasn’t me chasing him and trying to catch his eye, and believing that because he wasn’t interested in me, no one would be.

Because, I see that a lot.

And my soul dies a little bit at a time when someone bright and amazing and generous and loving allows themselves to be ground into ash by the callous and carelessly tossed opinions of near-strangers.

It took me nearly a decade (and amazing humans in my life) to deeply understand that he was wrong. That far from having unrealistic expectations, I actually did not set my sights high enough.

PLEASE don’t let yourself be lessened by other’s views.

PLEASE reach out to me or to someone you love and trust to fill you up with light and sunshine and goodness.

PLEASE, ALWAYS, when you begin to feel that way, ask someone you trust to tell you the truth, “Is this worth it?”

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