No, I’ve never thought anyone thought my orgasm was their property. It never crossed my mind. Until I read this piece: My Orgasm Is Not Your Property (So Stop Saying You Made Me Come) in August of last year.

This ranks right up there with those who think that men wanting to “make” us orgasm are inherently selfish, because it’s all about unlocking levels of achievement in masculinity, or some shit.

*rolling eyes SOOOO hard, here*

I just don’t get these ideas and the many others that pit gender versus gender or partner versus partner in the bedroom.

Isn’t sex supposed to be collaborative?

Aren’t we supposed to play TOGETHER to get joy and pleasure, rather than point fingers and cast blame?

Sure, there are people out there who don’t care about other’s pleasure. Of course. And sometimes it’s a selfish thing. And sometimes, it’s because they are obsessive with their sexual encounters in ways that don’t really include others, except as props.

I had my first experience of this after I turned 40. Pet chose him for cuckold playtime. He was the first man I’ve ever had sex with that did not seem to care, and that I could not find in my power to orgasm with.

I’ve never let Pet live that down, LOL…

…but I digress.

That man had a very specific set of actions he acted out over and over again. Everytime we diverged, he snapped right back, like a sexual Stretch Armstrong.

A fetish sequence, if you will. And it had NOTHING to do with me. There was no connection.

After about 30 minutes, Pet ushered him out, took care of me, and we laughed until we had tears in our eyes about the ludicrousness of it all.

Some “humiliating” cuckolding experience THAT was.

Cuck saves the day!

And even that man did not own my orgasm. My orgasms just noped the fuck of the bedroom for a while, until he got gone.

And if I’d managed that alone, I’d probably have DJ’d myself to sleep, and laughed about it in the morning.

Luckily, Pet was there, because I’m not a fan of masturbation. My orgasms are best enjoyed as a partnership—with another taking me places I can’t go alone.

Varied opinions on that, here: Let’s Debate: Better Orgasms From Masturbation Or With Others?

So, in my sexual life, I do need a partner to reach my greatest potential, and moreover, I WANT one. And I tend to choose partners who feel the same, and have since I was young.

After all, I love to give my lovers pleasure and orgasms, ejaculatory or non. And perhaps there is a bit of ‘succubus achievement leveling up’ for me in that. I’ll own up to those thoughts.

I have yet to run into a lover who treats my pleasure or my orgasm like their property, or their personal achievement, outside of a bit of private sexual strutting, which I absolutely encourage in my life.

I’ve also yet to give myself an orgasm that can match those I choose to have with others.

And frankly, I feel bad for those who see the bedroom and sex as a fight to the little death (le petite mort) for supremacy. That seems like no way to live and love.

(Unless, of course, that’s your kink and you’ve negotiated it with your partner(s) and gotten full enthusiastic consent, then by all means, enjoy your weirdness!)