Actually, that’s not true. Not at all. I’ve found myself incredibly welcomed online for the most part, and I think many of you have, too.
Yesterday I wrote about listening as an active and integral part of communication.
I quoted Alan Alda saying:
“Real listening is a willingness to let the other person change you.”
And when I read what today’s piece was about, according to my calendar, I laughed at how life does sometimes. After all, this is a writing I’ve put off a gadzillion times, probably one of the first writings in my calendar over a year and half ago.
But today, I write it.
Reading online is YOUR opportunity to be open to being changed by others, ie: listening.
It’s simply a way to make your own point by seeking out ANYTHING to be the windmill you can tilt at today.
I know you hurt. I know that people you love hurt. I know that. I do.
And I care.
Reach out to me personally, and I will do everything in my power to help, to be a sympathetic ear, to… well… whatever. I’m not a professional. I just care.
And I write about things I care about, and about ideas and topics that people write to me with.
And I often, along with my writings, become that windmill.
- I point out how to take ownership of your communication, and I am reminded of gaslighting.
- I mention personal accountability, and I’m reminded of abuse.
- I post ideas on becoming mentally stronger, and I see cries of my ableism, because, of course, not everyone can…
- I talk about how my relationships work, and I’m told that THEY had a relationship like that, and it didn’t work, or it was sad, even abusive…
And all of these points are valid.
They are just not the point of the writing, and often have to REALLLLLLLLLY stretch to be whatever cause it must be today.
And just because those points are valid, does not mean the point of the piece is also not valid.
(Although they may not be valid FOR you…)
For a real-life example, I wrote that I do not believe in compromise in my relationships, here:
This is what works for me and the people in relationships with me.
I was told:
- My relationship is not more than 10 years old, so I have no right to write about what works for me and what doesn’t in my own journal, where some may take it as relationship advice.
- Because I stated what works in my relationships and why, I was invalidating other’s 30+ years of compromise in relationships, and I was a big meany for it.
- I was wrong, and how I dare I not see it?
- I am unrealistic in how I live my life, along with being intractable and inconsiderate.
- My entire definition is incorrect, therefore my writing in invalid (I used a definition from the dictionary, in my writing, to be clear what I meant, but even that should not matter, really).
- I’m not desirable. (Whut? How did that even become a thing in response to this piece?)
- I wrote junk.
- It’s semantics. Which it is. And semantics are CRITICAL to communication. In this case, it was used for dismissal.
And so on.
And I enjoyed it. I love when people disagree with me.
I do find it a bit odd that so many people take what I say as some sort of directive TO them, about their personal situation of which I have no knowledge.
- I did not tell anyone how to live their relationship.
- I didn’t tell anyone else they are wrong.
- I didn’t tell anyone else what to think.
- I didn’t invalidate anyone’s experience.
- I also didn’t ask for literary reviews. LOL !
Writings, especially powerful writings that encourage thought and communicate effectively FOCUS on something.
I focus on one thing at a time.
Even in this piece, in which I ramble here and there, but I have one point to make:
No thought-provoking essay-length writing can cover and make allowance for every eventuality.
And I don’t try.
I personally allow that your experience is different from mine by speaking about MY experiences. I don’t (and won’t) constantly say it.
I personally allow that your definitions may be different from mine, which is why I often include the definitions of key words when I write.
I personally allow for as many things as possible (including things I don’t know anything about) by centering only on the topic I do know, and saying things like, “I believe,” “in my life,” and etc.
And when you (collective you, not you-YOU, or specific personal you reading this, because I don’t know you, unless this applies to you, then you-YOU) take what I say and constantly use it to fight your personal battles, you’re not listening.
You’re not open to being changed.
Note: being open to being changed is not being changed.
You’re closed off, and looking for a fight, when I’d rather just help, if I can.
And for those of you not like this… understand that there are people like this, and start to recognize them. People don’t become this way by choice. Be a little nicer, a bit more patient (I try to take my own advice, I’m getting better), reach out to offer help, or perhaps, just hold your space and don’t interact.
Thank you for reading today. I needed to write this, finally. And apparently, i had a lot to say.
Now, I’m getting off the computer and exploring London for the day with some dear friends.