Last September, I wrote about the languages of survival and trust, and @Roundfoot wrote an amazing post on what happens when partners take our words or our upset, and turn the pain inward, rather than acting out.
Lashing in (FetLife link)
On OkCupid, there is a question asking “Do you ever take your frustrations or anger out on others?”
I answered “Rarely,” because I don’t believe I’m perfect.
I’d have to answer the same if the question was, “Do you ever internalize shame and hurt when someone around you seems upset or yells at you?”
But, like there are others who constantly lash out, there are many who lash in, whipping themselves raw with questions like,
- When will I ever learn?
- I know I’m not good enough…
- I’m so stupid.
- I never get it right.
And so on.
And it’s worth watching for in people you love, people you want to build up, instead of tear down.
And maybe, just maybe, helping out a bit if you can.
Or just offering your love and support and maybe a different perspective.