Recently, my partner and I had a talk about something that upset me that was related to our nonmonogamy.
I don’t feel like the details are all that important, it was a short convo, like this:
Me: This thing bothered me.
Him: I can see why. I’m sorry.
Me: Thank you. Here are a few more details so I feel heard and understood.
Him: [Questions showing he wants to hear and understand], then: I get that. I didn’t think. Thank you for telling me.
Me: Thank you for not being defensive. I love you.
Him: I love you.
It was an easy conversation over breakfast.
Thing is, the same thing (or similar, anyway) has happened to me in the past in other relationships, and it created a huge kerfuffle and lots of hurt feelings, and it was never actually resolved, just set aside because it made us feel shitty, then it festered into resentments.
Or, it caused me to sulk and withdraw and punish them for what they did, when they had no clue what it was, then finally scream at them that they didn’t care for me, or they wouldn’t… (to be fair, this is when I was 15…)
But I’ve grown and I’ve learned, and I’ve gotten better.
And I have a partner who has put in the effort, too.
And now, when something bothers us, we can say so, talk through it, and be done (and get on with an amazing day), rather than yell and scream and go to bed angry.
Like we would have done in previous years or previous relationships.
I won’t say that in nonmonogamy practice makes perfect, because the sands are constantly shifting and the situations are always new and with new people, but like I said in the title, what seemed impossible then is merely a hiccough now.
What are your thoughts?
Have you found that your relationship and communication growth (in nonmonogamy, monogamy, or even friendship) has grown, and have you discovered that things that used to be awful to try to communicate are no longer issues at all? Or maybe they’ve just improved, but still need work?