In February 2021, Dan and Dawn presented the topic ‘Slutty Sex for Real Relationships’ for Dating Kinky’s Dating and Love event. The original presentation was free to all who joined us live, and was recorded for Dating Kinky’s PLUS members to access through the Dating Kinky Library (over 400 videos and 550 hours of content!).
Here is a clip from that 90-minute show, where they talk about how they started out with baby steps into ‘sluttiness.’
Transcript:
Dan:
Let’s start off with a little terminology.
So, when we say slutty sex, what is it that that means? Right? This is a concept that you’re going to
have to address for you. And if you’re in a relationship, for your relationship, right?
Because what slutty sex is to us, right? Doesn’t necessarily equate to being slutty to you.
Dawn:
Right! And it can change over time.
So some of our stories of our beginning stuff, you guys will be going: Oh my God, you consider that slutty?
Yeah! At the beginning, Dan couldn’t get my shirt off. Now, he has a problem keeping it on!
But you know there… TRUTH!
But it progressed over time, we started out very, very small.
Dan:
Yeah. And again, as we build this in.
So here’s a story of how we started and what was pretty, pretty slutty and crazy for us.
Dawn:
Ohhh. I finally get the hands. Someone did the hand emojicon. I think it means preach.
It just struck me.
Dan:
Good! I saw that.
I thought “God is offended by you,”
I was scared.
Trust me if this class is what kicks me out of Heaven, that’s the tip of the iceberg folks.
So, for us, one of the early slutty things we did was we were doing a Dom/sub, sort of a scene, a power exchange, a scene. Right?
And I told Dawn, I said, “Take my boots off,” I had these nice black leather boots. And she took my—she she had to get cut down on her hands and knees…
Dawn:
“Hot hot!”
Dan:
And she took off my boots and I said “Take off my socks,” and she took off my socks and I said, “wash my feet,” right? And she would get a warm basin of water and a soft washcloth and washed my feet and I’d say,
“Stop, you’re doing it wrong. Lovingly, sexually caress, and clean my feet,” right?
Puts you in a different mindset, right?
And then she cleans my feet, right?
Later… I’ve told this story and somebody going back to the praying hand things. Somebody told me…
Dawn:
Reminded you of it?
Dan:
Yeah, somebody told me. “Well that’s kinda outta the Bible right?”
I was like “What the fuck? What Bible…? Oh. Eh.”
I didn’t know that then. It would have freaked me out there. It’s little squicky for me when I have sex based on things in the Bible — that’s just for me though.
Slutty sex for you, whatever you dig.
Dawn:
Whatever makes you…what is it? Hot wet and horny!
Dan:
Hot wet and horny, right.
Then I would say…
So I had her wash my feet and I said, “Cool. Now fuck my foot,” right? And I had her mount my foot and
do her best to fuck it. At the time, she couldn’t actually fit my foot into her pussy.
Dawn:
I still can’t!
Dan:
Yeah, I just like to imply, ‘but now it’s like, oh she fits all kind of stuff…’
So for us, right? At that beginning of our adventures. That’s what slutty sex looked like for us, right?
You’ll hear stories as we go, that make us look back at that story and go, “Ah! That’s back when we are younguns and didn’t know what the fuck,” but…
Dawn:
Yeah, go ahead.
Dan:
Don’t compare anything, right?
It’s what is it for you, right?
When I think slutty, it’s this, and when you think slutty, maybe it’s this or this or something else completely, right?
Doesn’t matter.
It’s what is it for you?
Dawn:
And that story I was coming out of a vanilla marriage where we did nothing slutty.
I mean, it was sex once a month —whether I wanted it or not —sort of thing and did nothing
interesting.
And then I’m getting into this relationship with Dan and we’re doing something like this.
Oh my God, that was top of the world to me.
That was just like…it may seem small now to everyone else that just jumps, right into kink because we’ve got FetLife and you know, and all this stuff, you know, people are online and reading stories and stuff like that before jumping into the lifestyle, we didn’t have that.
So you know, the things that we made up that were hot from our fantasies were just:
“AH! Life is good.”
Dan:
Yeah.
So the other part of slutty sex for real relationships:
We got the slutty sex part, now the real relationship parts. And the way we con—the way, the reason we context it that way, is that you are exploring with another person or people in this regard, and that you have
some level of a relationship with that person.
Right? For me to do slutty stuff with somebody I don’t know and I won’t see ever again, is a totally different animal than when you do it with a partner, a long-term partner, maybe even a life partner depending on
how you do things. Right?
For us, the real relationship aspect is that if I make Dawn beg to be fucked by somebody else, you know, calling somebody else’s name, or fuck my foot, or something like that— that the next day, she’s going to wake up in bed next to me, right?
And that our perception is that this relationship that we have will probably end up with us sitting in rocking chairs at some point next to each other.
This is the person sitting next to me who has raised children with me, right?
So we can’t—In this particular presentation what we’re talking about is, “How do you take those
journeys with somebody that you are going to continue to interact with?”
And the neat part about that is because you have this real relationship.
You can go deeper.
You can go harder.
You can go thicker.
You can go…
Dawn:
Harder. Longer.
Dan:
You can get—one of the greatest aspects of true slutty sex, is your ability to
become vulnerable, right?
And you can become more vulnerable with somebody that you’re willing to let your shields down and really let them in. ‘Real relationship’ implies there’s a level of commitment that you trust that they’re going to be there the next day.
—
YESSSSSS.
This resonated with me.
I’m not generally a ‘jump into the deep end’ kind of person. I’m more a ‘think my way through things, and dip a toe in, test the waters’ sort.
And I’m happiest when I can take those steps at my own pace and expand my boundaries and experiences bit by bit.
I like the slow roll.
Not just because of my comfort level. In fact, probably not at all because of that. But because over the years, I’ve found that when I slow down and really explore, I discover a lot more about myself and life in general when I pay attention to details.
In fact, tomorrow, I’ll talk a bit more about my attention to detail, LOL!
I’ll use cuckolding as an example.
When my partner suggested it, I “knew” what cuckolding was. And I also knew I could pull it off. After all, I can have sex with the best of them.
But, what I didn’t know was all the nuance that we’ve discovered taking it slowly and really digging into the experiences as we’ve walked through life together. The super small things that have nothing to do with the sex, but instead are all about the two of us, and how we think and feel.
And I believe I’ve learned those things by taking it slower.
By examining the processes as we go. By savoring the moment.
And by not comparing who we are and what we do to how other people do or experience cuckolding.
I’d say that in some ways, we did jump right in (or, rather I plunged us in—if you’ve not yet heard that story check out my episode with Michael of Keys & Anklets podcast: http://getkinked.info/keys13), but after that first initial plunge, we’ve really taken it step-by-step and enjoyed the ride.
We’ve discovered that the most extreme bits are not for us. But that there are aspects not often really discussed that we love.
And after 8 years doing this, we keep growing and learning and enjoying it more every year.
I guess what I’m saying is, that no matter where you start, take it at the pace you feel comfortable. There is never a reason to compare yourself to others or to be ashamed of your baby steps.
smiles
What are your thoughts?
Have you ever compared yourself to others, especially in kink or sexual things, and felt like you just weren’t tall enough to ride the big kid rides? Or that you’re “not kinky enough,” or whatever?
Have you felt that, but managed to let it go? How did you do that?
—
You can learn more about Dan & Dawn here:
https://www.eroticawakening.com/
https://fetlife.com/users/38535 (@DanandDawn)
https://twitter.com/dananddawn
https://www.instagram.com/eroticawakening/
https://www.facebook.com/eroticawakeningpodcast
