I rarely say bad things about my exes. After all, they are pretty awesome people (I picked them, LOL!) for the most part.

Also, there is this thing called trait transference that I recently learned about, but have been watching in action pretty much my whole life…

What is trait transference?

Simple.

The words you say about others, others will ascribe to you.

Uh huh.

Read that again.

What you say about people is what people will think about you.

So, I could talk smack about all my exes. I could air their dirty laundry, and say horrible, mean, nasty things about them… and you—all of you—will deep down file those things away in the brain cabinet marked “Nookie,” and I will be the horrible, mean, nasty one, as far as your mind is concerned.

Ewww.

Sure, people in my life have done terrible things to me. I’ll even talk about them, sometimes here in writing, sometimes in private.

I have a choice HOW I speak of my experiences.

And that’s what it’s all about, right? How we choose to handle ourselves and our experiences is what people will judge us on, long-term.

So saying negative things reflects negatively on me. And you.

Oh, and another thing… While you’re foaming at the mouth over how your ex is a despicable human not worth wasting air on, we’re all wondering what you’ll say about us if things go south…

Think about how you speak about your exes—well what you say about everyone—to others. Pay attention to how others speak of those relationships in their lives that have gone wrong.

What we say reveals more about us and who we have to be to choose those words, that attitude, than it ever could about the person we’re speaking of.