I know this guy. I like to refer to him as a dirty old pervert. We met years ago at a local kinky July Fourth picnic, and have said hello nearly every day since.
In those years, we’ve actually seen each other in person maybe a double handful of times, despite living in the same city.
But our connection has always been strong.
And sometimes he says the deepest shit.
Like, “There’s an art to respectfully treat a woman like a dirty fucking whore and her loving it.”
Because he’s right.
There is.
In fact, to put it another way:
“There’s an art to respectfully treat a person like a dirty fucking [fill-in-the-blank] and them loving it.”
And the “art” is 90% consent and respect, and 10% style.
The style can be learned. In fact, an entire industry sprung up around that art (if I may call it that, once it’s commoditized) in the early 2000s: the PUAs, or Pick-Up Artists.
Unfortunately, though, they taught only that art, and totally missed the 90% of consent.
Because they thought that consent wasn’t sexy (they were wrong—it is).
And because they knew that if they offended a women by treating her shiftily without her consent, they could just move on to the next “LSE” girl.
LSE, in this case, stands for “low self-esteem.”
UGH.
And so, they taught that you can treat some of the women like dirty fucking little whores (or whatever) some of the time, and that would be enough to get you laid once in a while—IF you learned to talk and move fast enough, and never gave up.
It was, in many ways, a numbers game.
Get the girl to sleep with you before she realizes what an undeserving asshole you are, then move on.
Which again, I’ll point out, missed the whole point. But was spot-on for them.
Which brings me to another reference.
@RealThornDaddy
YEARS ago, before FetLife was a thing, I think, I met ThornDaddy online, and we got into some amazing conversations. He shared with me two books, one that he wrote, and one that he and his wife wrote:
How to Fuck A Woman’s Brains Out – ThornDaddy
Diary of an S&M Romance – Dollie Llama
If you’d like to read them, they are linked to here, along with an MP3 book club/discussion recording about the nature of dominance from 2013: https://datingkinky.com/blog/what-is-dominance/
When ThornDaddy and I met, I was still thinking I was a switch, because I enjoyed things like being fucked hard and put away wet, and manhandled, and whatever.
And I loved what he had to say in his book. How he created a relationship of mutual enjoyment and trust with his (now) wife Dollie Llama, and how she reveled in being exactly who she was, who he wanted her to be, and what he chose to do to her.
And it was all with consent.
And some mad skills.
And even more consent (although not in the clinical way we are often told to negotiate today, TBF, and that’s a skill in and of itself).
I re-read a bit today, and will be fully reading both of their stories again. Because they are amazing.
Anyway.
The point I’m making is that if you want someone you can treat like a dirty fucking whore or a naughty little puppy, or a fuck stud barely able to control themselves, or…whatever…you can have it.
Because the man I started this writing with, my friend? He’s not tall. He’s not handsome (at least to most). He’s a biker dude. Rough around the edges. Not trim or in-shape. Pretty hairy. Not rich.
Just a guy.
And yet, he pulls chicks half his age who want to do all sorts of depraved things for him. Who want him to treat them like dirty fucking whores and more.
It’s his art.
And it’s his way of empowering them to be who they want to be (and in this case what they want, often, is to be his dirty fucking whores), without the restraints society might put on them (or their parents or their religion, or even themselves), because he will STILL respect them after they have been that whore, just like he did before.
He can do it.
So can you.
So can we all.
Because it’s remarkably simple and almost done-for-you, if you start with genuine respect and consent.
