I’ve been hearing this idea for a while, and when I saw in my calendar today that this was my topic, I thought, “Of course!”

Because I’ve been having several conversations about just this recently, with a variety of people.

The Dating World Hates Men

I read this a few months back, which is what inspired this writing:

“I’m a guy and I don’t get attention, but women do.” Guys. Welcome to the dating world. It sucks. It’s biased. And it hates us.

Women will ALWAYS receive a much larger interest than us men. Why? Because they’re women. I don’t mean that in a sexist kind of way, I mean it in a societal kind of way. Guys want more, guys see a woman and immediately jump at the chance to be by their side. Guy are guys.

Which kinda made me puke a bit in the back of my mouth.

But to be fair, I read this a lot, and since I’m not a man, I cannot speak to that side of things.

One man recently said to me:

What I’m saying is for you guys the difficulty level of getting sex is easier than guys. You can sit at a bar and have a guy come up to you to ask for sex. At then it’s up to you to decide yes or no (assuming the risk has been negated in some fashion).

Whereas if i don’t message a woman or go up to her, I’m not getting anything…ever. I’ve never had a woman come up to me and ask for it. I’ve always had to go find it. And that’s what i meant. Difficulty-wise. We have to do more work to get the same thing.

And I’ve heard that more than once. And this gem I’ve quoted in another writing:

“All women have to do is be on a [dating/sex] site, and men will send her messages. It’s so much easier for women, they make all the choices.”

And something I’ve written in semi-support of this idea: About My Privilege—Especially Pussy Privilege

Dating Is Fair, And Men And Women Have Different Challenges

I believe we have different problems within dating, sometimes based on gender, and on our perception of those problems.

I generally think dating is equally difficult for the binary men and women, with other genders having a MUCH harder time (overall).

In having administered and built dating/adult social sites in the past, and running a dating site now, I say that in online dating, men are harassed by fake women, and women are harassed by real men.

Other genders are often rejected not-nicely, attacked, or ignored.

True, masculine-identifying people tend to message first and more often. And that may seem like a burden, but the other side of things has it’s own challenges, just look at these additional writings and discussions:

• Dating: Who messages first?, and my reply, speaking of an informal study I did for my own amusement.
• The Other Side Of Pussy Privilege
• I Want You. Now, Please Do All The Work.

What are your thoughts?

Does the dating world hate men? Or is it significantly biased against them? If so, do you think this is OK (ie, balances out other areas of privilege), or not OK? Is there a fix?

Or

Do you believe dating is evenly difficult for men and women? Maybe different areas of difficulty, but still difficult.

If you have perspective on non-binary genders, are you willing to share?