And I appreciate her faith in me. I really do. I know it came from a place of love and endless belief.
But she was wrong.
Or, perhaps I should stop blaming my past, and just own up… I didn’t try hard enough, I didn’t really devote myself, I didn’t commit.
To being submissive.
You see, I’ve been bossy my whole life. Hell, even before I turned 10, I was ordering kids around the neighborhood… Anyway, this was an obvious part of me.
But, since I could be anything I wanted to be, when I chose kink, I figured I’d enjoy it all, and be a switch. I could submit, I could take charge… whatever.
And I lived that lie for 15 years or so. Until I met and fell in love with another dominant.
For a while, I played the role of submissive quite well.
It only took a few years (I can be dense, sometimes) to realize that I was just playing. That I was really running things as I wanted to, doing exactly what I chose, and enjoying the sexy times that came with rough sex.
I cannot be submissive.
In some ways, I consider that a flaw, because I feel I SHOULD be able to do whatever I set my mind to.
In other ways, I know exactly who I am, and I don’t sweat it:
I’m a dominant switch.
I choose dominance in my relationships, but I switch in play, because I love it all.
I don’t believe that any specific action is inherently a dominant or submissive activity. It’s all about the mindset.
And my mindset is always dominant, always in charge.
I like to joke when I teach that “You could be fucking me roughly from behind, pulling my hair and calling me ‘slut,’ and I’m still dominant, because that’s who I am.”
Just as a rough fucking or being tied up doesn’t change the color of my eyes, it does not change the core of my personality.
Besides, I like it.
Why wouldn’t we do it, if we both enjoy?
And I don’t really care if you think you’re dominating me. That’s OK. Your beliefs about me also do not change who I am, nor do they determine my boundaries and limits.
Frankly I love who I am.
I am still a bit disappointed I can’t be ANYTHING I set my mind, too, though…